Thursday, October 08, 2009

This might be hard to read for some-- just a warning

PaPa Dale passed away last night, more details later... but today (Thursday oct 8 2009) I wrote him a letter and emailed it to his facebook. This is what it read.

Hey PaPa,
You fell asleep last night around 10:00, to embark on the happiest adventure yet.
I'm sad you're gone, but thrilled that you aren't hurting any more.
Thank you so much for giving me my Mom. You have left a great legacy of love support and care behind. Don't worry too much about Jackie, she can be my date to events. I'll hold her hand like you did, and help her up out of her chair like you did.
You were my most favorite teacher I've ever had in my life. Your words will live within my every being every day. I really listened and heard what you had to say and tried to take as many mental notes as possible.
So you know PaPa, your favorite song? "How Great Thou Art" well, today, I finally heard it too. The part I think you sang when you fell asleep.
When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation,And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,And then proclaim: "My God, how great Thou art!"
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,How great Thou art, How great Thou art.Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,How great Thou art, How great Thou art!
I hope its wonderful up there, haha- give your sisters a great big hugs, say hi to Ace, Clara, and Richard Sr.
I won't see you for some time, but do know that I will meet you there. Only after teaching the lessons you taught me to as many people as possible.
I love you with all my heart, I will miss you every day, but I will have comfort knowing you're watching over us.
I owe you a Coors light when I get up there.
Love always,Emily Gene

Saturday, September 12, 2009

I'm not sure what to title this entry. Me being who I am, and my family knows me. I am going to have a very personal entry here. Please read with an open mind.

My life at the moment...

I feel alone. Yes, the alone does come into part with me being single, but then goes beyond that. In my family I am alone. 98% of family functions I sit alone or do chores to keep busy. Feel kind of like a chameleon (however you spell that). I blend into the surroundings to not be noticed, then overlooked.

This past year *2009* has been a roller coaster of emotion for my family. Lots of downs and a few ups. That being said, I find myself in the corner of most family events sitting alone contemplating where I'm at.

5 times out of 10 my family's conversations revolve around my sister and brother-in-laws adoption. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy they have the ball rolling on expanding their family. They're going to be great parents. But in line with the adoption comes Shelley looking for a new job, which she got, Steve doing really well at his work, and them becoming parents. I'm so happy for them and love them with all my heart.

the other 3 times out of 10 comes my PaPa's battle with lung cancer. A horrible disease that has caused nothing but stress in my family. PaPa is amazing because I don't think I've once heard him complain. Call me selfish, cause its what I am being. I know it. He's not going to be here forever, but why dwell on it? When PaPa pops into my thoughts during the day, the word Cancer doesn't pop up in my head. The word LOVE does. Thats the way it should be. I worry about my family only seeing him as a cancer patient. Not a loving family figure with lots of good hugs, stories, and smiles still left in him. Cause thats who he is.

The final 2 times out of 10 comes babies. I don't understand why this is a big deal to me, since children are so far down on my list of things to do in my life, but a part of my heart aches when I hear family talk about babies. Like I don't have anything fun and exciting to talk about so they move on to something else.

That leaves me. I'm apprehensive to discuss my real stresses of life because blogs are open to whoever wants to read them. Mostly in regards to my job. I absolutely LOVE my Principles, fellow Faculty\Staff members at my school. They are AMAZING. I mean wow! They leave me speechless every day. And thats all I have to say about my job.

It just seems that everything I am doing in my life right now, has already been done. There is no "spark". I don't feel I have the exciting life I had hoped coming out of college and starting my career. I feel like a light-bulb just about to go out. Still providing some light, but not lighting up a room as a person with the whole world at her doorstep should.

I'm still longing for companionship. A hopeless romantic at heart, the time I sit in my apartment I stare off into space wondering what life would be like to have someone by my side on rainy days like today. Someone who would want to spend this kind of down time with me, watching tv while I cleaned, hell someone to just sit around and have a beer with and shoot the sh*#. (That isn't someone in my family.)

That and also letting go of a comfort. I find myself stuck in a rut I don't want to get out of, but I know I need to. Something that I'm afraid to let go of, but I have no idea why. Almost like I'm holding onto a glimmer of hope that one day things could work out. Even if I agree that right now is not the right time. I don't know why I feel that way. I wish I didn't. Trust me, I've tried to get rid of it. BLEH

Call me selfish if you like. Like I said, I probably am. But I just wish even the little things that seem to happen in my life could compare to the things happening in other peoples lives. Even if theirs aren't the most positive things to have happening.

Please blog readers, don't be offended by this, and I honestly don't mind things to stay the way they are, but I would like to at least voice how I feel. Guess thats why I've put off updating this for so long.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Chapter 1- A successful failure

August 17, 2009-

Today marks the first official day for Tucker being alone. He got a visit from my sister this afternoon for a mid-day bathroom break. Aside from being so excited, he might have had a little accident when she went to put the leash on him. Regardless, he's successfully making the transition from house dog to apartment dog. Therefore, The dog that is afraid of being alone, might make it through this in some way shape or form.

Today I had my first inservice at my job. I can't remember the last time I tried to learn names so fast. Some teachers seem really cool, some are a little over the top, and some are pretty quiet. Either way, I'm happy to have my own place in a school. My school is neat because its actually quite old, then again its well kept.

Aside from that, I'm sitting on my couch in the exact same spot where I started this little adventure. Starting up the swing of school, I am unfortunately not working out as planned. That lasted for a whole, um. Day. Granted, it will probably be easier to find a rhythm during school. Thus that is a failure.

Not quite a full chapter, but yet an update will suffice.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Prolouge- The Dog That Hates Being Alone

A recent graduate from Texas Tech University, I am embarking on the chance of a lifetime. I'm self-sufficient, educated, employed, and 100% single. My life has been a wonderful rollercoaster, full of its ups and downs. My family is my life. I come from two lovely parents, (Dad=Dennis - Mom= Phyllis) who have fufilled their parental duties to raise 2 daughters, educate them, and give them the tools needed to "fly" at the right time. Speaking of that, I have an older sister-Shelley, she's about 2 years older than me, and is married to a wonderful man- Stephen.

Its Sunday evening, I'm sitting on the couch at my new apartment. It is a small one bedroom apartment near Houston TX. A queen size bed, comfortable enough for royalty! New couch and ottoman, kitchen table, and computer. I still have boxes left to unpack, mostly in the study. Pretty much everything else is taken care of.
Tucker is my 10 month old Dachshund, who weighs an impressive 7.6 pounds. He's sleeping by my side, curled up underneath my red blanket. Tucker hasn't quite adjusted to the move yet, his idea of fun here consists of following me around the apartment, howling when I leave, or scratching the front door until I come home. Almost like that when I leave, he'll never have a friend again. Odd, but we're working on it. I just think he hates being alone.
I am about to start my career as an Elementary Music Teacher. I am very excited about the upcoming year; however, I am nervous about the social life. Unlike most girls in the world I'm not your typical girl. I hide behind my family, my jokes, and my overall bubbly personality. Finding strength that I never knew I had to be happy with my life. It is typical for women\girls of a "plus size" stature to long for the Fairy Tale love story. Well, guess what, I am one of those girls.
Don't get me wrong, at 23 I have had the wonderful opportunity to meet some great men in my life. Heck, being a tuba player most of my closest friends are boys. I have toiled with the idea of an Emily overhaul for about a year now, and always wanting to write- this has to be my best idea yet.
As tomorrow starts a new week, I'm starting a new chapter into my adventurous adulthood. To work with Tucker on being alone, we will try a 20 minute window of alone time while I Emily, will be working out.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

I got a job at Pomeroy Elementary in Pasadena ISD.

I've got an apartment.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Job Hunt Continues

Here are the places I've applied and the status' that I know of.

1. Deer Park ISD -Elementary Interviewed-> waiting for news
2. Pasadena ISD- Elem. Application Acitve
3. Angleton ISD- HS Application Active
4. Clear Creek ISD- HS Applied
5. Lamar Consolidated ISD- HS Applied
6. Galena Park ISD- Elem. Applied
7. Barbers Hill ISD-HS Applied
8. Pearland ISD- HS Applied
9. Texas City ISD- Elem. Applied
10. Alvin ISD- Elem Applied
11. Spring Branch ISD- HS Applied


whew- more to come I'm sure

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Lost in the moment

Dearest Blog.

I'm sorry I have not been faithful. Life as I know it has been, well... different.

Glorious thing happens tomorrow. My 80 year old grandfather completes his 37-procedure proton radiation at MD Anderson. Not only is he practically symptom free, but he's happy. 1- he gets to go home and spend time, well... at home. 2- this has been an incredible learning experience for everyone, and if you know PaPa he's a damn good teacher. 3- this should yield excellent results for now.

Thursday my cousin Mikey and his wife Rachel, will welcome Baby Gaskamp into the world. I'll have a 2nd cousin, and my grandparents will get to see a GREAT-GRANDBABY! :)

Shelley and Steve are looking down the road to adoption. I'm very excited for them. Like Shelley says, its not what she had planned 2 years ago, but you just cant put all of your eggs in one basket. I can't wait to see baby Whistler running around.

My parents are wonderful. I can't imagine how strong they are throughout everything 2009 has brought us. Some days it seems harder on them than others. But they seem to make it through. I just have to keep reminding myself that arguments are a part of marriage too..

I guess that's about it. Oh yeah, I graduated from college. Yup, I actually finished my degree. However, with everything that seems to be going on lately- my time to shine is on the back burner. So I'm just applying to as many jobs as I can (8 so far) and will go from there.

I love my family. No doubt. I do. I owe them the world, and Thank God everyday for them.
They are outstanding.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Happy Easter

Greetings Blog world "aka family"

Today is Easter Sunday. My favorite Holiday. I don't know if its the baskets or just the happiness that Christ has Risen. Truly amazing day.

On top of that today is Shelley's 25th Birthday! Happy Birthday Shell.

Life is going right now. I'm almost finished with Student Teaching! That means Graduation! May 9th, 1:30pm Texas Tech United Spirit Arena will be the sight of a glorious occasion. I will walk across that stage, move my tassel, turn my College ring around and walk out with the world ahead of me. Geebus thats scary.

I have big aspirations for me. I've started looking for some apartments in the area, however its only tentative because I need to know where I'm working first. However I do miss the "carefree" life college was. Already... Oh well.

Granny Jackie and Papa Dale are living with me and the family right now. He's almost 1\2 way done with his Proton Radiation. He's a true trooper or his treatments are just the right strength. It took some adjusting but we're in a routine, so life is good.

Shelley and Steve are on the project to pregnancy or parenting. Check their blog for updates.

I'm turning 23 in 25 days... needless to say I'm a little paranoid when it comes to that whole marriage thing for me. Now that I'm working I feel as if I don't have any time for meeting people or mingling. Maybe thats why teachers stay single if they don't have someone once they start their career.

but thats a whole nother post.

Happy Easter everyone - love ya'll

Saturday, March 07, 2009

SIGH

I need to write.

I'm a dumb-ass. No clue how I'm going to make it on my own. I just feel like for every step forward I make as an adult, I take 2 backwards...


Oh Well. Sorry about the expensive mistake mom.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

February of 2009 can kiss my @$$

Hello my two readers.. :) haha maybe there is more, I'll try to be more positive.

The majority of my closest friends and family are aware of the shambles Feb. has been so I'm only going to write about other stuff.

I just completed my student teaching at Llano ISD. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined the saddness I had leaving that school. I'm going to miss those directors like I do my family when I would leave for school. My perception of secondary band directing has completely flip flopped. I could do that for quite some time, and be happy about it. I owe that band a metal for reminding me why I wanted to be a Music Educator in the first place.

I start teaching at Deer Park Elem. tomorrow. I'm also very excited about that. I've already had some teaching with these aged kids, so I'm anxious to see how Houston area schools do it compared to Lubbock schools.

With the above statement, I guess its understood that I have moved home. Thats right, after 5 years - I finally got to unpack. (or am getting to) - I never thought I'd say this, but I find comfort at this point of my life to be where I'm at. I know its not too glamorous being a single 22 year old woman living with Mom and Dad, but I wouldn't change it for the world. However my stay here will hopefully be short lived, that with comes a job, comes a new apt for me and Tucker. *my puppy* -

I can't wait for spring break. To spend time with my family, and get further away from February.

Love and updates will come!
Em

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Bucket List that Shelley did

The idea is to highlight or change the color of the things on the list you've completed.

1. Started your own blog.
2. Slept under the stars. - I've been camping.
3. Played in a band.
4. Visited Hawaii. -
6. Given more than you can afford to charity.
7. Been to Disneyworld.
8. Climbed a mountain.
9. Held a praying mantis.
10. Sang a solo.
12. Visited Paris.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch.
15. Adopted a child.
16. Had food poisoning.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty.
18. Grown your own vegetables. - back in Sagemont we did
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France.
20. Slept in an overnight train.
21. Had a pillow fight.
22. Hitchhiked.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill.
24. Built a snow fort.

25. Held a lamb. --- I ate one once- don't worry it was cooked
26. Gone skinny dipping.
27. Run a marathon.
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice.
29. Seen a total eclipse.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.
31. Hit a home run.
32. Been on a cruise.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person.
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors.
35. Seen an Amish community.
36. Taught yourself a new language.
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied.
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person.
39. Gone rock climbing.
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David.
41. Sung karaoke. .
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt.
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant.
44. Visited Africa.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.
46. Been transported in an ambulance.
47. Had your portrait painted.
48. Gone deep sea fishing.
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person.
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling.
52. Kissed in the rain.
53. Played in the mud.
55. Been in a movie.
56. Visited the Great Wall of China.
57. Started a business.
58. Taken a martial arts class.
59. Visited Russia.
60. Served at a soup kitchen.
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies.
62. Gone whale watching.
63. Got flowers for no reason.
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp.
67. Bounced a check.
68. Flown in a helicopter.
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial.
71. Eaten caviar.
72. Pieced a quilt- am currently!.
73. Stood in Times Square.
74. Toured the Everglades.
75. Been fired from a job.
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London.
77. Broken a bone.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle.

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person.

80. Published a book.
81. Visited the Vatican.
82. Bought a brand new car.
83. Walked in Jerusalem.
84. Had your picture in the newspaper.
85. Read the entire Bible.
86. Visited the White House.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.- fishing
88. Had chicken pox. -
89. Saved someone’s life.
90. Sat on a jury.
91. Met someone famous.- Clyde "The GLIDE" Drexler :)
92. Joined a book club.
93. Lost a loved one. .
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person.
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a lawsuit.
98. Owned a cell phone.
99. Been stung by a bee.
100. Read an entire book in one day.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

Happy New Year!

Greetings blog world. Happy 2009.

Well i'm about to adventure into the world of teaching within the next week and might be a little scared, but I'm ready to get it over with.

We're recently back on land from the Voyager of the Seas and had a wonderful time. I had an absolute blast! My friend Shannon came with me and we embraced single life and truly enjoyed ourselves.

I will be student teaching in the Marble Falls area for the first half of the semester and here in the Houston area for the second half.

We're planning on a super family vacation spring break on the Carnival Victory. Eager doesn't even begin to explain how much I'm looking forward to that!

All is well!
- Em

Monday, November 17, 2008

What a shocking day...

Dear ----,
I got some interesting news about you today. When FAP called me to tell me what had been going on, I was broadsided. My heart sank in my chest, vomit crept up my throat, and tears welled up in my eyes... Its like a part of me died with that one conversation. Granted I know we don't see each other more than once a year, and that you are in fact 18 years old, but deep down I do see you as "little ----". Want to know why? Today, as I forced myself to go up to school to keep from breaking down, I thought about our lives together, and guess what... As much as I'd like to admit it, but the day you were born is (to my best knowledge) the first day I can remember my life... Shelby was hiding under my parent's bed, and (your sister) was over playing in the back yard with Shelley and I... I remember when your Mom and Dad brought you home to your house...
And to hear of you making monumental bad choices in your young adult life, breaks my heart. I never saw this coming.... I never once imagined you would get sucked into that crowd...
You had (hopefully still have) everything! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?! WHY!! Your parents love you to death, my parents love you to death, your sister adores you, shelley and I adore you.... Do you have any idea what would happen to us if something happened to you? Do you even care about how that would make us feel? Damnit ---- you're better than that!!!!! I know there is nothing anyone can do to change what has happened in the past.. but Dear God I will spend every prayer I have, begging God to send some guidance for you... ITS NOT WORTH IT... NONE OF IT IS.

I pray that God touches you soon, scoops you up in his arms and slaps the shit out of you... learn from this, or else you'll never grow up and out of it....

That lifestyle you've been living, ----, is a one way ticket on the fastest train to nowhere.



My grandfather would give his left arm for a body to work as good as yours does.. even if it means just being able to walk around wal-mart... and here you are, killing yours? I don't get how ANY high could be worth that much... and maybe it is cause you're 18 that you don't see it...

Talk to God, Talk to your parents, and get new friends.
I love you, and hope the best
Emily

Monday, November 03, 2008

Guess I should update this thing

Here are some pictures from the TTU vs. UT game.. no i didnt go, but i have a lot of friends that did.




















Also, above is Mr. Anderson dressed up as Jack Sparrow - the band did pirates of the caribbean show.


Some exciting news. One of my old work friends doxie had puppies, and is giving them away! I'm getting one! a boy, he's black.. I'll post his picture.












Well its November of my last semester here at Tech. Senioritis doesn't begin to explain how I feel. School is going well, classes are easy. The house is good, I'm fairly healthy. The headache has subsided mostly, occasionally a few bad days, but all in all improving. I've been taking multi-vitamins per the endocrinologist's suggestion.

I would say that I'm having a ball these last few weeks of school. I really wish I could, but I really have found myself sad up here. I'm really tired of the people here. Mostly the school of music. Its like I'm in a different place than everyone else... I just want to be out of here...

I have my student teaching partially squared away. The first half of the spring, I will be student teaching at Llano High school. Living in Marble falls. I'm really looking forward to that. Still waiting on my Elementary placement, which should happen within this week I hope.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Headache update

Well, this morning in the sorry excuse of a Tropical storm, mom and I went to a neurologist here in town to see if I could get some relief.
The Doctor didn't seem too concerned with the pain I've been having but like everyone I've seen 3weeks is too long for a headache.
Turns out when all of this started chances are that my Great occipital nerve running from the base of my neck up through my scalp has gotten irritated causing the "between the skull and scalp" headache. Luckily the doctor had 2 fixes (would be three but ive already tried narcotics). 1st would be two injections to the base of the nerve of steroids and a numbing agent. 2nd would be a six day dose of oral steroids. So I took the injections there in the office, and I will wait a few days to see if I get some relief. BTW... scalp injections hurt BAD...
Now instead of my whole head hurting like it has, my pain is coming from the injection sites... Not sure if thats good or bad? So i'll update in a few days if this stuff works.. (i hope)


schools good, works good, parents are good- other than that my life is pretty swell... im just anxious to see if my 3 week headache is finally gone...

-em

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

update

Well today is day 15.... yup. 15....
no relief in fact, i think my head it getting worse...

I went to my dr. she seemed clueless but did tell me my scalp was really tense...
so I went and had a CT scan done today... it came back clean... which is great news..
but now.. why the headache? she told me to go see a Neurologist... so I go tuesday.. unfortunately.. I still don't have any relief from the pain...

I'll pay someone a nickel if they'll run over my head?

Sunday, July 27, 2008

10 days

So today marks day 10 of my headache. It's not really a headache, more of my head just hurts. Right across the crown of my head. I've tried everything I can imagine to get rid of it. Tylenol, Tylenol sinus, claritin, sudafed, aleve, zyrtec, vicodin, and my moms super duper headache pills... no relief. I'm going to my primary care Doctor tomorrow afternoon to see what she thinks.... grrrrr.....

I'm in full swing at Alivn Community College taking US history 1301. Considering I'm one of the oldest people in my class and my professor is ancient I think I'll do okay. Along with class 8-10:15am I head over to FW Gartner where I'm working as a "fill-in" secretary for our family friend's business. Therefore my life is pretty much consumed up with school and work.

I'm glad to spend time home, but with my head issues its not so enjoyable. My parents, Shelley, and Steve have been my network here. I enjoy spending time with them these days, learning how to be an adult by their example.

The bonus to not feeling so well and working all the time is that I'm staying out of trouble. Minus the fact that some social life would be nice from time to time, but I just dont feel up to it lately.... so we'll see what the doctor says.


I had an MRI done on my "back hump" friday morning, seeing if it is a Lipoma (benign removeable tumor) or just in fact a place where my body stores fat. I should know something later this week into next week...

This past friday I went with Mom and dad down to Victoria to see Granny Jackie and PaPa Dale, their house looked great and of course I enjoyed spending time with them. Saturday we headed to Shiner where we stayed at our favorite Bed and Breakfast (Kaspar House) and attended the Boedeker\Jahnsen family reunion today and got back an hour or so ago. It was great to see Granny Martha, Dad, Susie, and Aunt Neese spending time reminiscing with family. I love my family, both sides... I guess after the year we've had, I'm really trying to take full advantage of each moment I have with them...

Thats all for now. Till I write again...

Emily

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

A Sad Day

I know not many people read this, and most of the time I'm rambling about the ups and downs of my life.

This morning, I got news that a friend of the family, Joe Miller, passed away. He was fighting stage 4 lung cancer with cancerous lesions on his liver. Joe was an active band parent throughout mine and my sister's HS career. His daughter Elizabeth was Shelley's college dorm room-mate.

I'm happy that Joe doesn't hurt anymore, I'm glad that he is at peace. I am however, sad for Joanne (his wife), Elizabethe, and Andrew (his son). I hope the best for them in this really hard time in their lives. I can't imagine what I would do if I was in there shoes. I pray to God that I won't have to find that out.

On a somewhat funny note, I'm actually considering grad school, just considering. Med school maybe... something that would let me help out with someone in need. It might be in Music Therapy, who knows. I just know, that within the past year cancer has shown up more and more frequently with relatives and friends, and I'm not liking it. So maybe I can find a way for me to help... We'll see..

So if you are one of the people who read this blog of mine, please keep the Miller family in your thoughts.

-Emily Gene

Monday, June 09, 2008

just kidding

everyone has flaws... im seeing more and more every day
in myself and in others...

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

grades- spring 2008

3.4 gpa this semester!! :-) my best yet!! so excited!