paradise found

Mexico. Wow words cant describe, my last entry (that is now deleted) was harsh and rash, but i was just acting instinctively.
A few more days here, I have a lot of stuff I'd love to go to, but I'm not sure if we'll have enough time. There is this night lounge called Jazz Heaven. We're going to try to go Monday evening. I hope that'll be a lot of fun.
I like being in a different country. As I walk down the street and I kinda get lossed, its amazing how the culture here is so pure. Traditions and lifestyle. Two things that are important to me. A part of me just wants to go out to this lounge we were just out, by myself sip on a glass of wine and watch people. See who I meet and what kind of conversations I could get lossed in. I'm a dreamer. My sister and my mom make fun of me for it. But I just can't help it. I just love to wonder what my life could be even if it was just for one moment. One person I meet, or even I say hello to, or give a smile. Its funny how much smiles can speak. I dont speak very good Spanish but I do know that a smile can say everything you need to.
Oh well. Here's to dreaming and good wine. Maybe one day it'll be a reality.

Cha Cha

T-Minus two days until Mexico.
Today since ive been home ive been brushing up my lack of salsa dancing skills, the only thing i know is to swing my hips back and forth, who knows, maybe ill come home w\ some new skills.

There is this song by Chelo called Cha Cha, its sad how i found it, one of the last nights i was in lubbock, i was channel surfing and i saw it on telemundo, i liked it so i listened, this dude was FREAKIN gorgeous, although i have no idea what he was saying, it was fun to like and be interested in some culture.

i wanna go back to lubbock, i wanna cancel my work plans and just go up there and work. but i did have big plans already for this summer, but w\ everything going on w\ my family right now i just feel like getting in my truck and driving. for a long long time. just me and my truck. just to see where i end up.

but u know, im not going to, just gonna sit here and think about it.
oh well, a least mexico is soon to come

later

run away

Sometimes regardless of where i'm at in my life. I want to run away. Today i was sitting out on the front porch of our lakehouse, and just watched the mesquite trees blow in the wind. you know what i noticed, they're the trees that sound like the ocean. each specific branch has individual leaves on it, when the wind blows, it makes this distinct woosh sound. faint to anybody walking by, but i think if you just sit and listen, you can hear them. might sound poetic to some people but i found peace today out on the stoop (yes its a stoop). i had the feeling someone was watching me, i looked up, it was our neighbor's across the street's cat. he\she (whichever) was just sitting there staring right at me. not meowing, not moving. just staring, kinda like it knew what i was thinking or maybe it felt lonely like me (owners were gone). then the dog came around the back corner and stared at me for a while. then he ran closer but not out of their driveway and started barking at me. an old beagle, he's cute but gots the old dog bark. i would whistle a few pitches at him and he'd bark back, always in the same pitch. funny how i notice that. seems that no matter where im at, im always caught in the middle. the pets across the street and my family in the house behind me. in the house there is comotion, cooking, talking\discussing\yelling, then there is me, sometimes outside by myself, sometimes in lubbock, or sometimes in the mix of it in my own little world, like ive trained my brain to runaway when im scared. ever notice when youre scared, thats when you feel the most alone? ive been scared ever since b4 school let out. thats a long time to feel lonely. but then again, so does a lot. i know i shouldnt be complaining i love my life, i love my family, i love my friends, and most of all i love God. but sometimes i feel so lost. grasping at every inch of "figured it out" i can. when im not sure of 98% of what goes on in my life. ive been struggling lately with a lot of things. im writing a lot more now (obviously) trying to get them sorted out. but it seems that every time i get something figured out, more gets piled on for me to sort. ironic? i think so. i miss lubbock. but i have until the end of june at home. which is good, maybe its God giving me time to get this stuff sorted out. i hope so, its hard to live like this.

ps. lion king on broadway tomorrow, in san antonio. finally good music again, i miss it. i love it. i can't wait!

-wandering around-
emily

get away

it just seems that i cant get away from it. stupid freakin' wedding stuff.
its either, shelley's, lauren's, mike's, jenn's, or angela's. dont get me wrong, i'm happy for them, but for once can we please not talk about it!!!!!
it haunts me. i swear.
im working on getting ready for my family's much needed mexico trip, we leave houston next wednesday for a whole week! oy i cant wait. ima come back looking like a mexican! who knows, maybe ill pic up on some spanish\salsa dancing.
im looking forward to the tequila seminars, and oodles of margaritas, let alone, the beer.... ahhh, ice cold cerveza (iono if thats even how u spell it).
i told my mom this is my one week im going to have to pickle my liver, other than that i'll be chill this summer. a few exceptions of course. like Colorado for instance, i have a feeling, that's gonna be a blast. having gone 1\2 a summer w\ out much male interaction, i might just be too girly for them by then. meh, they might need that.
pearland is by far one of the most boring towns ever. i feel bad for complaining about lubbock. but im really starting to miss it. kinda like when im up there i start to miss pearland. but not this soon of course. i love being home and spending time with my family, dont get me wrong, i just wish we lived up there. but i suppose i cant have the best of both worlds.

this weekend is marble falls, and thats exciting. becaues sunday im going to san antonio w\ the family to go see Lion King on broadway!!!! yes! @ the majestic. woo! im so excited, get me around some good music again! then we're staying the night @ the Emily Morgan hotel, which im told is super nice. so that'll be a nice little embellishment on luxury for the weekend. specially getting prices @ 68 bucks a night. yea priceline! *(i think)*

well its 1030 and in pearland time that means, time to get ready for bed. so ima go shower and what not- more updates to come

very very bored\excited about mexico-
Emily

changes

Change #1 - hair


















Now that that is out of my system change #2 - continue swimming like a mad woman
Change #3, you'll have to wait and see :-d

a better person

i want to be a better person
i had a lot of time to think this past weekend, and look back on whats been going on lately and where my priorities were. i had let the old emily sneak in, one who got mixed in with drama and emotions, when in fact i should be going on with my life, as me. not of who i "should" be. I know my family loves me but its hard to live a single life with some family members breathing down my neck of my sole purpose in life is to be skinny, have a boyfriend and get married and make babies. thats not my immediate family but just some family in general. it gets frustrating sitting around hearing all these stories of wedding planning, or long relationships and even where ill be in ten years. i know i dont need to be in a rush to fall into this category, but every single family gathering i go to now results in someones wedding planning, or marriage status, or the fact that im the only one in both sides of my family above the age of 10 not in some sort of relationship. my dad and i have talked about this a lot, and that i shouldnt be in any big hurry. and i know that. but its hard not to think about it when everyone is talking, wedding dress this, budget that, food this, ring bearer that. i mean come on. makes me wanna go run to a secluded place and just forget about everything. a place to just hide from all the white, tulips, brown, and tuxes. a place kinda like lubbock

so back to the starting track- a better person
to get past the fact that i am the lucky person in my family that IS single
live knowing that tomorrow will take care of itself
spend as much time with my parents. sister, and soon to be brother-in-law as possible
enjoy the fact that im back home in my roots, not forgetting where i came from

Congratulations shelley
woo

sad sad ebo

i missed my chance i think
plain and simple

why does this always happen to me. WHY?

-crapfully crap
em

woulda coulda shoulda

Why hello.

Woulda Coulda Shoulda

Woulda- I would have had I had more time
Coulda- I could have done the best thing for me in a while.
Shoulda- I should have this weight lifted off my shoulders.

Anyways. now that that is out of my system....
Family is frustrating. Not immediate, but the ones outside of it.

I love being home, but it seems a part of me is still in Lubbock. Waiting, like I have unfinished business to tend to up there. Odd, my week in Mexico will be more than enough time to clear it out of my head.

Shelley graduates Saturday morning. Wow. College Grad. That's scary. I'm going to be at school for a LONG lOnG tIme.

drunk

i remember adrian having a blog entry titled this. i must say. he was quite right, sober entries are completely different than drunk ones.

today is my birthday. 20. wow no longer a teenager, but in some cases just as scared as one.
like tonight.
i was one big giant baby
why cant i write what i want to say? i mean come on. this is rediculous. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

anywho, an awesome night, a good dinner and movie with an AMAZINGly AWESOME friend.

-ebo

Final Round

There is this show on MTV called "yo momma". Its quite funny, I like it. Learning some new put downs.

Finals are in full swing right now and I must say, they wont be as bad as I was making them to be.

Mu Phi banquet was last night, it was a lot of fun. a few kinks in my first DJing debut, but meh. I also have a few things going on that I'm trying to work my way through. Summer will help them out a lot.

Anyways, maybe one day I'll get the guts to really write down whats on my mind.