Fall 2007

So yet, another update.

I'm back home in Pearland right now. Mom is asleep in her bedroom, dad's lightly snoring on the couch. I'm watching the yummy looking pot roast simmering on a bed of what is to be the best gravy in the world.

Dad ran a 10 mile today. I don't know how he does it. But either way, its fun to see him happy and enjoying himself. He's quite the man.

I like these trips home. Long enough to feel rested, but short enough that I don't get tired of it. I didn't tell Tamara I was in town and surprised her Friday night. That girl is quite the support system. I'm kind of bummed she wont be going on the Spring Break Cruise with me, but either way, doesn't matter. I might get to have her hop along with us in Dec. if we decide to go on one then.

I just sat here a while ago and read through some of my old entries. Its amazing how much my life entails. Going back and reading an article from March 22nd 2007. So stressed over boys in the entry... yet not knowing that the night after that I would be under the knife, undergoing a surgery that saved my life from a lot of stress (the cancer). AMAZING. Just like that, my entire life changed. ...

Speaking of change... homegirl is still having some issues. I'm really trying my best to make those small adjustments. BUT ITS HARD.... soo hard that I want to give up already. and its just going on 2 weeks now... but I knew this would happen. I dunno, life is just hard. REALLY FREAKIN hard.
Granted its harder when you feel like you can't do anything right.. cause thats' def. how I feel lately. Like every step forward I take feels like 8 steps back in the eyes of my parents. But thats just a perception thing at this point I think.

I wish my life was easy. That I did what I have to do to be successful and thats it. But thats not Emily.
I don't really know what success is in my eyes at this point. I know 100% for sure of what my parent's ideas of success are. But I'm finding out that, which their's is good. It's not me. My biggest struggle I think in life at this point, is knowing what I want. Not going out of my way to make people happy even if it is my parents. I know that making straight A's and having $1000 in my checking account and no credit card debt would be ideal for them. But at this point I don't feel that me getting there would be for me. It would be to make them happy. I want them to be proud. (insert everyone including mom saying "emily, we are proud of you, we just want you to make better decisions")
This is where I'm torn. Better decisions to you, (which are understandable) aren't necessarily better decisions for me. I know credit card debt and over drafting aren't good for anyone. But when it comes to that extra hour out at starbucks the night before a test, I dont see that as a "dumb decision", I see that as an opportunity. the chance to work on my balance of social, studying, and even academic success.

To my family both immediate and distant:

I know I'm 21, and mistakes should be done being made. But they aren't for me.
I promise you I will fall, I promise you that I will slap myself in the head for not saving that one dollar, I promise you that I might not get it right the first, second, third, fourth, or maybe even fifth time...

But I do promise that I will get back up after I fall, I will realize that slapping my self on the head will hurt after a while, and maybe that sixth time, I'll actually get it right.

I might not grow up into the mature adult as fast as some would like. But maybe the people who have done so before me (cough cough my sister) were the ones who did it early. Ever think about that? "Shelley and I didn't have this conversation when she was 21", whose to say that she didn't figure it out early? When in fact a lot of people don't figure adulthood out until they're 30.

I'm very lost at this point. Not sure if I should do what I want to, and go down the path that I feel could lead to success. Or stick on the path my parents have delicately mapped out for me, out of love, experience, understanding, and patience.

HELP

-much love to my Mother, Father, Sister, Brother-in-law, family, and friends-
I love you guys

Post No. 70 - and quite the update

Hello Readers of my blog.

Sorry about the delay. Life has been too fast lately.

This semester has really flown by. Very excited to say, that I am really doing well with life.
Had a couple speed bumps in life in general with me figuring out that hey, i'm 21... need to grow up now.

So I have chosen to take advantage of the TTU Student Counseling Services to get my life on track. Yeah "some people will just think you're crazy" (compliments of shelley about 13 years ago). but mostly today I have seen the outcomes and benefits of it. AMAZING

Money is finally getting saved and put to better use. Minus my employer writing hot checks for pay checks.. thats a story I rather not go over to save me from smashing in the computer (im here at work)

School- I can honestly say, IM SICK AND TIRED OF THIS CRAP!!!!!
GRADUATION CANT COME SOON ENOUGH.
IM SICK OF 100000HRS OF WORK AND NO CREDIT!!!

ok, im off that soap box

*anxious to see where life takes me these next few months. Something tells me im on a new road that I've never been down before and i like it *


for those of you who read this guess what i finally came to!
boys are lame- i love em' but i hate em'.
so im taking applications for "im not an asshole" men.. please send them my way- must like to dance and have a good time


jk jk
but still


anywho that is all - hope all is well where ever you are..

love!