Hmmm... lets see...
I've been sitting at my computer almost none stop since 8 oclock...you know what that means? I've been thinking. I've just started my research on studying abroad...oh my wheels are turning. Not my action wheels, but my imagination wheels... oh what it would be like to pack up and move to Italy for a month...take a class, and just live...see a Tuscany sunset, and even pick up some European accent...haha I wish...not on going, but the accent part.
I've asked my parents several times on traveling abroad, they've vetoed it most of the time... I know I have to get my GPA up in order to get scholarhsips and what not... but what an experience...
I sit here at the kitchen table, and wonder if its not my imagination...but what if it is me just wanting to run away... running away from what I dont know.... things are wonderful here...I couldn't ask for more...
But thats something Iwant to do... for me...not beacuse thats what my friends are doing.. i want to go to learn from beyond a Texas University, but a Global difference... even if its an italian music class...you know?
maybe im so far over my head with this idea.,... but who knows...i'll keep ya'll updated.
em
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
New
Well, most of you know, that after Christmas night, I came home slightly inebriated, (understatement), and I accidentally spilled a smirnoff on my computer. although it did not hit my spacebar, my spacebar stopped working...
so now im on a wireless keyboard and new mouse that we found for cheap at office depot... It is quite nice because I can get back on a regular keyboard. Im not going to lie, typing on a regular keyboard to a lap top is quite goofy but thats just me... goofy.
that is all.
emily
so now im on a wireless keyboard and new mouse that we found for cheap at office depot... It is quite nice because I can get back on a regular keyboard. Im not going to lie, typing on a regular keyboard to a lap top is quite goofy but thats just me... goofy.
that is all.
emily
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Inspired
Writing, after a breif conversation with my mother today. One of many of this time off from school, I find myself getting back into it. Yes back into it. Earlier this semseter I started writing my first novel. While I left it in Lubbock I'm not afraid to pick up here where I left off, or even then, just start a new one. Not sure what itll be about, but who knows.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
City of Angels
This movie, has become one of my favorites. It's well scripted and casted. I love Meg Ryan, not only is she beautiful but she is very talented and smart. Nicholas Cage is such a great actor. I see his face in this movie, and he's so in character, and even believable to be an angel. Makes me wonder if we all have angels out there, longing to make us happy, but knowing that they can't interfere with free will, they must step back. What if angels are all around us just there. Waiting for us.
Things have been looking up these past few days, me just accepting things the way they are and not putting my happiness in other people's hands. I realize things have not ended up the way I've wanted them to, but that doesn't mean that they wont.
I have been hanging with Shannon Price these past few days, and I find myself DYING for the spring break cruise. That's going to rock hardcore! I mean woah.
Anyways, off to go get ready for a nice dinner at Bonnies.
-emily
Things have been looking up these past few days, me just accepting things the way they are and not putting my happiness in other people's hands. I realize things have not ended up the way I've wanted them to, but that doesn't mean that they wont.
I have been hanging with Shannon Price these past few days, and I find myself DYING for the spring break cruise. That's going to rock hardcore! I mean woah.
Anyways, off to go get ready for a nice dinner at Bonnies.
-emily
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Lost
Pearland. Good ol' Pearland. Most people spend their whole lives trying to get out of it. This past week, I have been longing for it. Now I'm here. Thats right folks, I'm here.
So why "lost" you ask? Well thast just it. I don't know why. As the end of my semester wound up, I find my grades better than ever, and to be coming in quite smoothly. Then again, when one thing goes right in my life, of course something else is required to get a quirk. Whelp. BINGO, there we go, my quirk.
After a semester of struggling with some stuff going on in my head, I finally got everything out in the open. Which should have made me feel better, right? Well, the jury is still out on that one.
Today has been my best day, but we'll see how this progresses after the break. Everything in that aspect is on hold right now, might be indefinitly but I need it.
That doesn't really explained my lost title yet, but maybe I can get there.
Thats just it in fact. I'm not sure what I'm lost about. I have been told by several of friends that I have "help everyone" issues. This is really difficult for me to hear, because I never listen. This takes me back to November, I went and got some learning disability testing done and just got my results back. I have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder with Compulsive Features.
So yeah. Woot, the source to most of my issues. WOOT
well im out
more updates throughout the break
So why "lost" you ask? Well thast just it. I don't know why. As the end of my semester wound up, I find my grades better than ever, and to be coming in quite smoothly. Then again, when one thing goes right in my life, of course something else is required to get a quirk. Whelp. BINGO, there we go, my quirk.
After a semester of struggling with some stuff going on in my head, I finally got everything out in the open. Which should have made me feel better, right? Well, the jury is still out on that one.
Today has been my best day, but we'll see how this progresses after the break. Everything in that aspect is on hold right now, might be indefinitly but I need it.
That doesn't really explained my lost title yet, but maybe I can get there.
Thats just it in fact. I'm not sure what I'm lost about. I have been told by several of friends that I have "help everyone" issues. This is really difficult for me to hear, because I never listen. This takes me back to November, I went and got some learning disability testing done and just got my results back. I have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder with Compulsive Features.
So yeah. Woot, the source to most of my issues. WOOT
well im out
more updates throughout the break
Saturday, December 09, 2006
At work
Hey there blog world...
Well I'm at work right now. It's kind of a slow night. Guess what I have great news... I'm done with Finals!! But I still have my Music History paper re-write due on wednesday, thast going to be brutal.
As I've been sitting here staring at the computer now for 2 1\2 hours, half way through my shift. And something shocking and scary has come to my attention. I think my motor skills are fading. I know this sounds weird, but lately I have found my self, making silly mistakes in my every day activities, such as.. starting to brush my teeth w\out putting toothpaste on the brush.... getting out of the shower w\out rinsing out my hair.. forgetting how to spell my own name. stopping mid sentences because i blank out... its really bad when im on the phone. i dunno. im kinda worried but it could just be the stress of school and everything...
to the end of my rope that i have been on the past few days. F you.
that felt good
im home in pearland t-minus one week and a day. sadly im booking it there ASAP. something about me just longs to be there w\ my friends from back home. BIG TIME. Like Shannon, F and P, Steve M, and even Tamara's family. Even if shes not there. I miss them. I think I'll give them a call tomorrow.
Anyways, back to boredom.
out
Well I'm at work right now. It's kind of a slow night. Guess what I have great news... I'm done with Finals!! But I still have my Music History paper re-write due on wednesday, thast going to be brutal.
As I've been sitting here staring at the computer now for 2 1\2 hours, half way through my shift. And something shocking and scary has come to my attention. I think my motor skills are fading. I know this sounds weird, but lately I have found my self, making silly mistakes in my every day activities, such as.. starting to brush my teeth w\out putting toothpaste on the brush.... getting out of the shower w\out rinsing out my hair.. forgetting how to spell my own name. stopping mid sentences because i blank out... its really bad when im on the phone. i dunno. im kinda worried but it could just be the stress of school and everything...
to the end of my rope that i have been on the past few days. F you.
that felt good
im home in pearland t-minus one week and a day. sadly im booking it there ASAP. something about me just longs to be there w\ my friends from back home. BIG TIME. Like Shannon, F and P, Steve M, and even Tamara's family. Even if shes not there. I miss them. I think I'll give them a call tomorrow.
Anyways, back to boredom.
out
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
didnt mean to
I didnt mean to make you cry, I meant for you to realize that like me, you cant give that much out without taking time to yourself. I know Im the worst person for doing this too, but you know that I love you. You're a great Mom, wonderful friend, and even better wedding planner.
As for wedding stuff. you shouldnt have to take stuff back if she changes her mind. make her do it. and until she does, she cant will have to count the money that went into that as gone. out of the budget. u shouldnt have to work extra hard because she didnt "re-approve". once should be enough
keep up the good work. ure helping me a lot today and last night. THANK YOU
-----------------
to everyone else.
I'm struggling a lot right now with my "path" i guess you can call it, somehow, within a day, im starting to find it.
ps.my dad is great too
As for wedding stuff. you shouldnt have to take stuff back if she changes her mind. make her do it. and until she does, she cant will have to count the money that went into that as gone. out of the budget. u shouldnt have to work extra hard because she didnt "re-approve". once should be enough
keep up the good work. ure helping me a lot today and last night. THANK YOU
-----------------
to everyone else.
I'm struggling a lot right now with my "path" i guess you can call it, somehow, within a day, im starting to find it.
ps.my dad is great too
Sunday, December 03, 2006
What is really important?
What is importance? Is it our minds tricking our lives into thinking that there should be order?
Someone who I care deeply about told me some awakening news this week.
"Emily, When have you ever done something because you wanted to do it. Not because your friends wanted to. Find out what you want from life, and don't waiver from that."
I do know whats most important to me...sad thing is, my priorities arent where they should be.
Instead of it being. "Family, School, then Friends" its "Friends, Family, School". I got it all mixed up. I'm more worried about making good memories, and not missing out on a beat of life than i am, Acing a test, or even getting stuff done ahead of time. The list of stuff I want to do in my life is a mile long. Yet in the past 3 years, I've done nothing to get there. Why is that?
A harsh reality check that was. I dont have mind of my own. The only thing I can remember doing for me is, making my friends happy. Making sure they always have a full glass, they don't have to pay for me, I can make a good joke to brighten their day, and even having opportunities where they wont be alone or have nothing to do.
In the midst of all of that, I find myself on E. for Empty, not for Emily. I've given everything, 110% of my energy into my friends. And I get mad at myself. Because in the end what have I gotten out of it? Great memories, AMAZING ones, chapters of knowledge stored away over useless stuff, a liqour cabinet that is always stocked, a door that is open for everyone, any time of day or night, and yet an empty spot right inside my chest. Thats my "me" time. Problem is, when I have it, I'm still empty.
Its like I'm going in circles. Never quite satisfied with my life. When one thing is good, something else is bad, and vice versa.
I have come to terms that I am a suffocating person. In the midst of me trying to make my friends' lives easier, I've been around too much. Not giving them their freedom. I dont know why.
Once again, I find myself in a mid-mid-life crisis. I just want to run away. and it all be fixed. but nope, thats not life now is it.
So I ask you all...
What does your life mean, where are you going, and who are you doing it for?
Someone who I care deeply about told me some awakening news this week.
"Emily, When have you ever done something because you wanted to do it. Not because your friends wanted to. Find out what you want from life, and don't waiver from that."
I do know whats most important to me...sad thing is, my priorities arent where they should be.
Instead of it being. "Family, School, then Friends" its "Friends, Family, School". I got it all mixed up. I'm more worried about making good memories, and not missing out on a beat of life than i am, Acing a test, or even getting stuff done ahead of time. The list of stuff I want to do in my life is a mile long. Yet in the past 3 years, I've done nothing to get there. Why is that?
A harsh reality check that was. I dont have mind of my own. The only thing I can remember doing for me is, making my friends happy. Making sure they always have a full glass, they don't have to pay for me, I can make a good joke to brighten their day, and even having opportunities where they wont be alone or have nothing to do.
In the midst of all of that, I find myself on E. for Empty, not for Emily. I've given everything, 110% of my energy into my friends. And I get mad at myself. Because in the end what have I gotten out of it? Great memories, AMAZING ones, chapters of knowledge stored away over useless stuff, a liqour cabinet that is always stocked, a door that is open for everyone, any time of day or night, and yet an empty spot right inside my chest. Thats my "me" time. Problem is, when I have it, I'm still empty.
Its like I'm going in circles. Never quite satisfied with my life. When one thing is good, something else is bad, and vice versa.
I have come to terms that I am a suffocating person. In the midst of me trying to make my friends' lives easier, I've been around too much. Not giving them their freedom. I dont know why.
Once again, I find myself in a mid-mid-life crisis. I just want to run away. and it all be fixed. but nope, thats not life now is it.
So I ask you all...
What does your life mean, where are you going, and who are you doing it for?
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