Baby Steps

Well, lets just say the past 2 days have been rough. Last minute change to not do Goin' band this year. just out of miscommunication. My family and I are really working around this. Me making a decision like that without consulting them, them getting furious at me for that, then me getting upset with their idea of fixing it. All in all to say " i love you" at the end of the day. I love my parents for caring so much. But I do feel that I'm too dependent on them. Moreso than Shelley ever was.

Baby steps. guess what, I'm running now. well kinda a mix between a slow jog and trot kinda thing. I go about 2 miles not sure on how long it takes. but I can do it. I like it because I've gotten better every time...plus i have some good friends there helping me along.

School starts up on the 28th. I'm excited\ nervous. been going through a lot of stuff w\ mom about me getting tested for ADD. Scary..yes. I'm gonna try and get that done here soon. I fear that its going to be bad.

I need to say something. Just get it off my chest. Mostly to my family....
Mom, Dad, and Shelley.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the past few months I haven't been devoting enough time to ya'll. I'm sorry if ya'll feel I'm putting friends over ya'll. I'm sorry for making you mad, stressed, and sad. My priorities have been skewed and it took a stern conversation with mom for me to realize that I am struggling to find my way. I want to make ya'll proud, I want to make you happy. But sometimes I feel what makes you happy isn't what makes me happy. I love the praise I get for being a talented musician. But thats it. My grades don't deserve praise, I don't keep my house as clean as shelley did, I just sit here and take ya'lls money and get spoiled. I'm sorry. I'm taking charge now. The three of ya'll have done too much for me. And I don't deserve it. Here is to this semester, may I make ya'll proud, laugh, smile, and cry (in good ways). I love you (steve too).
Em

*** I'm doing this for me, to prove that I am worthy****