Closer than ever

Where do I begin....

In the stresses of starting school, I have been in the middle of quite a trying time in my life. The first major disagreement with mom and dad. (in my eyes it is). I think I've lucked out, and waited until I was 20 to get one, but even then. Nothing prepares you for this. This not being the arguement, but this being closer than you've ever felt to your parents. The gloves came off, I found their true thoughts about me. And i took a step back to realize, what am I really doing? where is my life going? Although everything I do have figured out seems foggy, it is still settleing down. So what are the answers to what am I really doing, and where am I going? (even if they're foggy). I still think its too soon to tell, but every day I get closer and closer to it. I'm going uphill, for those of you that know me. my life (this summer) has been quite the experience, of being a freakin' baby\chicken. And where has that gotten me? Abso-freakin-lutly nowhere. I'm not going to call it wasted time, because I've learned a lot from it. But time that could have been saved had I gotten over my fears. I did however, use up good praying time on the wrong thing. Kind of like I forgot the actual purpose of prayers... I was reading my bible last night (yeah, thats a whole nother story), and I found myself going back to my notes of how to pray. maybe not how, but what to pray for. What makes praying worthwhile. Its not I hope he sees me standing here with my heart just waiting for him. Its, pray for my Savior, pray for my family, this list gets long, but it goes on for miles.... lets just say, it starts with mom and dad, and goes all the way down to, well pretty much, my 4th cousins. Pray for life, pray as a thank you card to God. Thats just family im praying for. Then i pray for friends. I thank God for them, and for their happiness where-ever they find it. Thats when I get that homey feeling, that God is there. And to conclude my prayers, I pray for my angels, Papa Dennis, Donna, and (this sounds silly) hansel. I thank God, for picking them to come up to his side and watch over us. Then I sing (even if its horrible) this church song called "sanctuary"- its beautiful.

I've never shared my prayer with anyone, and now here I am typing it in my blog. I've become stronger in my faith these past few weeks. Heck, I've been going to church. I'm going tomorrow, by myself. I'm going because I want to. There is so much I don't know. and want to know.

So I end with this.
I know I have a lot of stuff to prove. I'm not doing it for ya'll now. I'm doing it for me. I'm tired of being chicken. I'm ready to be responsible. It might take some time, but like Shelley said. I'm at a turning point, and its up to me to pick which way I'm going.
I'm on the right path. I just need a little bit more time, 20 years is a lot, but some of us need a boost like this to push us over. Its better late than never.

Here is to the path we are all on, Here is to the old paths we've been on. May our mistakes be the lamps that shine on the path ahead, leading us towards our goals. And may our dreams be waiting for us once we're there. - ME

I love you Mom and Shelley- Dad too if he reads this

Hi Denise- I've been thinking about you! :) Love you bunches