hard

I wish I could say that I'm doing great back up here at school....however, school is great work is hard and long.. i realized today that I'm taking 18 hrs of school while working for 20. geebus, imagine that... me working as much as possible.

so whats not so great you ask?
me. i know at this point mom is saying, take some more paxil... its like the answer to my life is medicine... i know it helps, but it doesnt solve anything, it just covers it. at this point, ive done all i can do with what has been bothering me now for over a year. im not suer if i should call it a waste of time... or a milestone. now im taking a "mondernisitic" idea to my life and asking "Why not" or "how come?"

i wish i had answers. answers to questions im not even sure of.



spring break was a ton of fun... we danced, sang, hugged, stumbled, drank, and saw wonderful places... i just wish i could get over it


i wish i could get over holding his hand, laying in the hammock, playing halo to the wee hours of the morning, i wish i could get over the dances, i wish i wasnt so selfish. i wish i could turn back the clock that got me here today. why did it get so complicated? why did i have to find out the truth... why did i have to open my mouth? cause quite frankly, im sick of feeling like walking on egg shells.. i dont know what else to do
, and i know thats wwhats right to do right now... nothing

but i cant let go
ive tried
i cant

F*$%