Sometimes there just aren't enough rocks...

I've been teaching now for my 3rd year. I've argued with my principal, I've had bad walk throughs, I've seen a kid melt down in a temper tantrum, I've been bitten- kicked sworn at -called fat- cried on. I would rather have all of that, every single day for the rest of my career, to not have the Monday I had this week....

Monday was a normal day, like any other... Our principal called us for a short talk after school. I walk to the room, notice a couple of District people there thinking this has to deal with our grant. WRONG. A silent room, kleenex's everywhere... Never a good sign...

One of our first graders passed away Sunday night\Early Monday morning....(breathe -Emily) I dont want to go into too much detail, Blog. But sometimes just writing it out helps. Words cannot describe the emotion. I HATE IT. I taught him every day last year.=. No he wasn't my homeroom class, but I did see him 2 days a week in class this year, and just about every day in the hallway...

There is the quote in Twilight "Death is easy, life is hard"- Shelley and I spoke about it a few weeks ago. I hope its correct, because hearing the students come up to me today and say "He died" was really hard. Innocent and "Resilient" as mom calls it (turns out its true) they talk as if he was a pet. I think that's a blessing in disguise. Our brains dont fully mature until we're 24\25 years old. Maybe that's a survival instinct, truth be told. I will remember these past 2 days for the REST of my life with much emotional connection to how it felt to lose a student. But for the average 6 or 7 year old, its simple. No thoughts about how to handle it. It just is as it is...
Wish I could turn my brain off and think like that. But thus the beauty of growing up.

The last day I saw him, was an awesome day (last Wednesday). We had really found our "rhythm" in music. Pun intended. He had fun in my class, was successful at it, and was consistently rewarded for it. That should make me feel better right? Nope. Just like Papa, I describe it as "I was not done yet". Hell, Friday Oct. 7, two years since Papa passed. I'm still not done yet.

My goal this week is to tell each class I teach, why they are special to me. And my goal this year is to dismiss these students (good day or bad day) on a "note" I don't feel guilty about.

His last day in class he got a sticker for following directions and participating correctly. I can't NOT be happy with that. I pray for comfort to his family, his home room teacher, and for his friends.

Sometimes I wish God would let us peek at his "schedule" he has for us. Or I wish he wasn't so confident in our abilities to handle hard situations. But time heals all wounds. However, I pray with all my might to not have to have a meeting like that again.



I'm not public posting this on FBook, but I did update it. If you read it, please say a quick prayer for J.E. God will know who you're talking about. I've already been chatting Him up about him.

Tell the ones you love, you do.
Tell the ones you know, you care.


-Much Love,
Emily