June - found this in my drafts FOLDER! takes me WAYYY back (June 2008)

Greetings blog-readers. I'm sure its still the same three people that read it. but thats okay.

I'm back in Lubbock now, for Summer 1 session. I'm taking my last theory class this time around. Form and Analysis. Unfortunately, this is the hardest class of my college career. Fortunately, it is my only class this session, so it gets all of my attention.

I just got back from a great evening with three very important girls. Sarah T, Olivia E, and Tiffany G. We met up at Olive Garden at 6 for dinner. The four of us sitting there talking about our "teaching woes" of Practicum. How silly kids are in Elementary schools, and even men. Which seemed appropriate for the second part of our evening. After dinner (and a free desert compliments of a lengthly wait time for our meal) we went to see "Sex and the City". Now I'm not saying I'm some addicted girl worshiping Prada, Chanel, Louis Vutton, or even Roberto Cavalli, but tonight I put on my high heels, did my hair and make up... and looked the part of a true city girl. Even a movie with such interesting topics and scenes, managed to make me laugh the hardest laugh I've had in a long while. Once the theater and I caught our breaths I turned to Sarah and said " I didn't even know it, but I needed that."

Seeing "Carrie Bradshaw" (Sarah Jessica Parker) writing about her life (however fictitious it is) makes me want to catch everyone up on mine...

I'm 22 years old now, and still am in school. I'm entering my "super-senior" year, yet I don't feel all that super about it. I still struggle with keeping my room clean. I don't really do laundry in a timely manor, therefore I spend some days working through 7 loads. I don't mind the washer\dryer part... its the folding\hanging up that I hate... but in my awesome wisdom of a 22year old, I realize that I feel better when its put up... Funny I know...
I enjoy bourbon\whiskey, with coke of course. A nice fruity concoction is nice from time to time though. I love drought (draft) beer. Actually I don't even know how to spell that word... I realize that I don't have reasons for my actions 100% of the time.
I don't know what I'm going to do with my life once I graduate. My favorite option at this point is, take my resume'\application and drop it (hypothetically) over the Houston metropolitan area. I'll go to the highest bidder. That could be teaching\business\PR... Whichever...

Now the hard part, the reason I came home and really really wanted to write...
This really isn't for EVERYONE to read, but I need to say this to someone who can read it, so I can at least get it off my chest... Even if the person who should hear it never does...

I have this best friend. I have never told him that. But he truly is my best friend. He's the friend that I can talk to about nothing for days on end, and not be bored. We talk about everything, (except what I'm writing right now) past relationships, friendships, family, school, music, work, traveling, God, life, and death. He's my favorite dance partner, hell I even taught him how to polka, and waltz. (Dad I still love dancing with you, but you've go some competition.) Over the past six months that friendship has just grown into a tight bond. I trust him with my words, my secrets, and my stories. My life has been blessed with him in it. I love my best friend. In our discussions he and I have both agreed that right now (in our lives) we need to be selfish. As individuals we both want to do our own thing, to make our own. Not really looking at adulthood as relationship based with anyone, but ourselves. Which sounds great to me. I like that idea, really I do.

But being up here in Lubbock, and him back home, I'm finding the reality check. A wise woman once told me "Its easy to say you're "just" friends when you see the person every day. The real truth comes out when you're apart".

I know that right now I'm no where NEAR seeing diamond rings, or even hearing wedding bells.
However, I do know, that when I lie down in my bed at night up here, I toss and turn wishing he was by my side, so I can just talk to him. I could give him a hug, or even just be in his presence.

I'm not sure what this means at this point.
I do know that I'm horrified that once I do go home, that things will have changed drastically. Kind of like they did with Dave. I come back from being away for half a summer, and poof... all that happiness is gone. Thats that scar I brought up a few entries back... I just have to trust our friendship. (I'm trying my best)



A very lonely Lubbock-prisoned: PMSing -Emily