Bucket List that Shelley did

The idea is to highlight or change the color of the things on the list you've completed.

1. Started your own blog.
2. Slept under the stars. - I've been camping.
3. Played in a band.
4. Visited Hawaii. -
6. Given more than you can afford to charity.
7. Been to Disneyworld.
8. Climbed a mountain.
9. Held a praying mantis.
10. Sang a solo.
12. Visited Paris.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch.
15. Adopted a child.
16. Had food poisoning.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty.
18. Grown your own vegetables. - back in Sagemont we did
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France.
20. Slept in an overnight train.
21. Had a pillow fight.
22. Hitchhiked.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill.
24. Built a snow fort.

25. Held a lamb. --- I ate one once- don't worry it was cooked
26. Gone skinny dipping.
27. Run a marathon.
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice.
29. Seen a total eclipse.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.
31. Hit a home run.
32. Been on a cruise.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person.
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors.
35. Seen an Amish community.
36. Taught yourself a new language.
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied.
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person.
39. Gone rock climbing.
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David.
41. Sung karaoke. .
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt.
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant.
44. Visited Africa.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.
46. Been transported in an ambulance.
47. Had your portrait painted.
48. Gone deep sea fishing.
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person.
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling.
52. Kissed in the rain.
53. Played in the mud.
55. Been in a movie.
56. Visited the Great Wall of China.
57. Started a business.
58. Taken a martial arts class.
59. Visited Russia.
60. Served at a soup kitchen.
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies.
62. Gone whale watching.
63. Got flowers for no reason.
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp.
67. Bounced a check.
68. Flown in a helicopter.
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial.
71. Eaten caviar.
72. Pieced a quilt- am currently!.
73. Stood in Times Square.
74. Toured the Everglades.
75. Been fired from a job.
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London.
77. Broken a bone.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle.

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person.

80. Published a book.
81. Visited the Vatican.
82. Bought a brand new car.
83. Walked in Jerusalem.
84. Had your picture in the newspaper.
85. Read the entire Bible.
86. Visited the White House.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.- fishing
88. Had chicken pox. -
89. Saved someone’s life.
90. Sat on a jury.
91. Met someone famous.- Clyde "The GLIDE" Drexler :)
92. Joined a book club.
93. Lost a loved one. .
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person.
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a lawsuit.
98. Owned a cell phone.
99. Been stung by a bee.
100. Read an entire book in one day.

Happy New Year!

Greetings blog world. Happy 2009.

Well i'm about to adventure into the world of teaching within the next week and might be a little scared, but I'm ready to get it over with.

We're recently back on land from the Voyager of the Seas and had a wonderful time. I had an absolute blast! My friend Shannon came with me and we embraced single life and truly enjoyed ourselves.

I will be student teaching in the Marble Falls area for the first half of the semester and here in the Houston area for the second half.

We're planning on a super family vacation spring break on the Carnival Victory. Eager doesn't even begin to explain how much I'm looking forward to that!

All is well!
- Em

What a shocking day...

Dear ----,
I got some interesting news about you today. When FAP called me to tell me what had been going on, I was broadsided. My heart sank in my chest, vomit crept up my throat, and tears welled up in my eyes... Its like a part of me died with that one conversation. Granted I know we don't see each other more than once a year, and that you are in fact 18 years old, but deep down I do see you as "little ----". Want to know why? Today, as I forced myself to go up to school to keep from breaking down, I thought about our lives together, and guess what... As much as I'd like to admit it, but the day you were born is (to my best knowledge) the first day I can remember my life... Shelby was hiding under my parent's bed, and (your sister) was over playing in the back yard with Shelley and I... I remember when your Mom and Dad brought you home to your house...
And to hear of you making monumental bad choices in your young adult life, breaks my heart. I never saw this coming.... I never once imagined you would get sucked into that crowd...
You had (hopefully still have) everything! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?! WHY!! Your parents love you to death, my parents love you to death, your sister adores you, shelley and I adore you.... Do you have any idea what would happen to us if something happened to you? Do you even care about how that would make us feel? Damnit ---- you're better than that!!!!! I know there is nothing anyone can do to change what has happened in the past.. but Dear God I will spend every prayer I have, begging God to send some guidance for you... ITS NOT WORTH IT... NONE OF IT IS.

I pray that God touches you soon, scoops you up in his arms and slaps the shit out of you... learn from this, or else you'll never grow up and out of it....

That lifestyle you've been living, ----, is a one way ticket on the fastest train to nowhere.



My grandfather would give his left arm for a body to work as good as yours does.. even if it means just being able to walk around wal-mart... and here you are, killing yours? I don't get how ANY high could be worth that much... and maybe it is cause you're 18 that you don't see it...

Talk to God, Talk to your parents, and get new friends.
I love you, and hope the best
Emily

Guess I should update this thing

Here are some pictures from the TTU vs. UT game.. no i didnt go, but i have a lot of friends that did.




















Also, above is Mr. Anderson dressed up as Jack Sparrow - the band did pirates of the caribbean show.


Some exciting news. One of my old work friends doxie had puppies, and is giving them away! I'm getting one! a boy, he's black.. I'll post his picture.












Well its November of my last semester here at Tech. Senioritis doesn't begin to explain how I feel. School is going well, classes are easy. The house is good, I'm fairly healthy. The headache has subsided mostly, occasionally a few bad days, but all in all improving. I've been taking multi-vitamins per the endocrinologist's suggestion.

I would say that I'm having a ball these last few weeks of school. I really wish I could, but I really have found myself sad up here. I'm really tired of the people here. Mostly the school of music. Its like I'm in a different place than everyone else... I just want to be out of here...

I have my student teaching partially squared away. The first half of the spring, I will be student teaching at Llano High school. Living in Marble falls. I'm really looking forward to that. Still waiting on my Elementary placement, which should happen within this week I hope.

Headache update

Well, this morning in the sorry excuse of a Tropical storm, mom and I went to a neurologist here in town to see if I could get some relief.
The Doctor didn't seem too concerned with the pain I've been having but like everyone I've seen 3weeks is too long for a headache.
Turns out when all of this started chances are that my Great occipital nerve running from the base of my neck up through my scalp has gotten irritated causing the "between the skull and scalp" headache. Luckily the doctor had 2 fixes (would be three but ive already tried narcotics). 1st would be two injections to the base of the nerve of steroids and a numbing agent. 2nd would be a six day dose of oral steroids. So I took the injections there in the office, and I will wait a few days to see if I get some relief. BTW... scalp injections hurt BAD...
Now instead of my whole head hurting like it has, my pain is coming from the injection sites... Not sure if thats good or bad? So i'll update in a few days if this stuff works.. (i hope)


schools good, works good, parents are good- other than that my life is pretty swell... im just anxious to see if my 3 week headache is finally gone...

-em

update

Well today is day 15.... yup. 15....
no relief in fact, i think my head it getting worse...

I went to my dr. she seemed clueless but did tell me my scalp was really tense...
so I went and had a CT scan done today... it came back clean... which is great news..
but now.. why the headache? she told me to go see a Neurologist... so I go tuesday.. unfortunately.. I still don't have any relief from the pain...

I'll pay someone a nickel if they'll run over my head?

10 days

So today marks day 10 of my headache. It's not really a headache, more of my head just hurts. Right across the crown of my head. I've tried everything I can imagine to get rid of it. Tylenol, Tylenol sinus, claritin, sudafed, aleve, zyrtec, vicodin, and my moms super duper headache pills... no relief. I'm going to my primary care Doctor tomorrow afternoon to see what she thinks.... grrrrr.....

I'm in full swing at Alivn Community College taking US history 1301. Considering I'm one of the oldest people in my class and my professor is ancient I think I'll do okay. Along with class 8-10:15am I head over to FW Gartner where I'm working as a "fill-in" secretary for our family friend's business. Therefore my life is pretty much consumed up with school and work.

I'm glad to spend time home, but with my head issues its not so enjoyable. My parents, Shelley, and Steve have been my network here. I enjoy spending time with them these days, learning how to be an adult by their example.

The bonus to not feeling so well and working all the time is that I'm staying out of trouble. Minus the fact that some social life would be nice from time to time, but I just dont feel up to it lately.... so we'll see what the doctor says.


I had an MRI done on my "back hump" friday morning, seeing if it is a Lipoma (benign removeable tumor) or just in fact a place where my body stores fat. I should know something later this week into next week...

This past friday I went with Mom and dad down to Victoria to see Granny Jackie and PaPa Dale, their house looked great and of course I enjoyed spending time with them. Saturday we headed to Shiner where we stayed at our favorite Bed and Breakfast (Kaspar House) and attended the Boedeker\Jahnsen family reunion today and got back an hour or so ago. It was great to see Granny Martha, Dad, Susie, and Aunt Neese spending time reminiscing with family. I love my family, both sides... I guess after the year we've had, I'm really trying to take full advantage of each moment I have with them...

Thats all for now. Till I write again...

Emily

A Sad Day

I know not many people read this, and most of the time I'm rambling about the ups and downs of my life.

This morning, I got news that a friend of the family, Joe Miller, passed away. He was fighting stage 4 lung cancer with cancerous lesions on his liver. Joe was an active band parent throughout mine and my sister's HS career. His daughter Elizabeth was Shelley's college dorm room-mate.

I'm happy that Joe doesn't hurt anymore, I'm glad that he is at peace. I am however, sad for Joanne (his wife), Elizabethe, and Andrew (his son). I hope the best for them in this really hard time in their lives. I can't imagine what I would do if I was in there shoes. I pray to God that I won't have to find that out.

On a somewhat funny note, I'm actually considering grad school, just considering. Med school maybe... something that would let me help out with someone in need. It might be in Music Therapy, who knows. I just know, that within the past year cancer has shown up more and more frequently with relatives and friends, and I'm not liking it. So maybe I can find a way for me to help... We'll see..

So if you are one of the people who read this blog of mine, please keep the Miller family in your thoughts.

-Emily Gene

just kidding

everyone has flaws... im seeing more and more every day
in myself and in others...

grades- spring 2008

3.4 gpa this semester!! :-) my best yet!! so excited!

much needed update

Hello there again, trusty blog...

The semester is finally winding down, and I can't be more excited.... I'm honored to say that I had my last class registration this past week and only have 11 required hours for the fall, and 6 this summer... however in order to maintain my "full time student" status, i had to add on one more hour so that will make my fall 12 hrs! :) my lightest load yet.. all that and the 6 hours for student teaching in the spring...

so speaking of school.. its stupid- im tired of doing all the work, and not really feeling like im getting a whole bunch out of it.. but the adult in me is saying just do what you're told and get it done...so thats my goal for the rest of my time here at tech...

i'm still enjoying the nightlife of fancy ol' Lubbock Tx... more so I'm trying my best to take advantage of $1 pint nights and $.75 well nights... haha

spring break was a blast with the family...however i find myself turning into more of an old hag... going to bed at 11 sounded more fun than hanging out with all the belligerent minors in the club... i know i have no room to talk because I was once one of them...but looking back on it, i was dumb...

thats pretty much it for now... school is priority one- ill worry about everything else later... haha

much love!
Em

Thursday's post- TMEA

So as the ones close to me know (or used to be close) last year Feb. 13-17th brought a new meaning to the term "coming clean".
After that "fateful" trip, I was asked to a local coffee shop by a dear dear friend, and proceeded to have an in depth conversation about personality traits, friendship traits, and even relationship traits. In this conversation a lot of things both good and bad were brought to my attention. However, the repercussions of that infamous Thursday Feb. 22, have really seem to take its toll on me. This past Thursday being the 1 year anniversary.

Why I bring up this moment of my life? Well, for the the most recent times of my social life now I have been blessed with some amazing people. Unfortunately I suppose this time of year for the friends I care about most, seem to kinda leave me in the blue.

So alas, its now the 2nd year in a row, where I have been broadsided with a change in my best guy friend on the Thursday after TMEA.

I wouldn't change a thing about the times I spent with 2007 friend. They are some of the happiest memories in my life. But sometimes the pain of the impact doesn't show up until long after the wreck.

I just wish I could have had one more memory, one more laugh, one last dance, and one last hug.


*a very very very scarred emily*

foot

just severely bruised,
thank god
still hurts like a bitch

Update

Here is an update. sorry about the delay, life has just been really really crazy...

PaPa had his surgery on Dec. 27th, and he's cancer free as of now! We've had a speed bump these past few weeks with a Small bowel obstruction, but he's back home now and on the slow road to recovery.

I'm back up in Lubbock and am in the middle of my hardest two weeks of the semester, compliments of the hearing for my Jr. Recital coming up. I'll definitely post once I get that over with! If all goes to plan, my Junior Recital will be March 2.

Other than that, classes are going fairly well, tired of them, but I just gotta get through.

On a side note, I have done a number on my foot this past weekend in a series of bad timing... so I'm going to the Dr. tomorrow in hopes that nothing is broken\chipped\or torn. but alas the swelling DOES look kinda cool...

anywho, more of an update to come later on!

Em

One semester down 2 to go

Well, I am rounding out yet another Roller Coaster of a semester. I swear, life is hard!

I've come to the realization that school is WAAAYYYY long... and by school i mean college life of a music major. I never thought about it but I have chosen a degree that is ridiculously hard.. oh well, i'm almost done!

December has brought me days closer to home. I can't wait.

Even better news, PaPa's surgery will be Dec. 27th. That will be a large sigh for the whole family.

I'm content with my life as of now, of course I'm dreading tomorrow evening's test in Poly Sci. My life depends on it!! Just have to make a 72. and by the looks of the review that should be fairly easy... Lets just keep our fingers crossed. Hell if the studying is going this good now I might be pulling an even higher grade than expected. So here's to hoping.. nevertheless. Being at home in my bed with kitty will be the ultimate relaxation for me...

alas, dinner time w\ sarah, then back to studying... im a nerd


love

A new kind of pain

I would like to say that it the midst of the chaos of my life, that I am more than experienced in the stress department. Which in some cases this is true, nothing has prepared me for these past few weeks.

A new kind of pain has been introduced to me. I know it can't amount to the pain a mother feels when a child is hurt or when the dad says goodbye after walking his daughter down the aisle.
But the pain of time.

Sleep hasn't come so easily to me these past weeks. Resulting tired eyes and raging emotional exhaustion. Sore eyes from the tears shed, having everything set me off just doesn't help.
The back. I never quite knew what the back "Stress" was until now. Its those 5 knots right between your shoulder blades along your spine, and the only thing to help is a back rub.
Irritable bowels. No, not the syndrome, but just an over all upset stomach 24-7. For those of you who know me, know that this part of my day (bathroom time) is very important, and if its thrown out of whack, I'm out of whack.

And last, my heart and brain. I've been frantically writing down everything I can remember about my childhood. Memories of everyone. Just cause now I realize that I need to let everyone know (family and friends) just how much they mean to me.

PaPa is a candidate for the lobectomy. While this is a delicate procedure, it is the best option for him. I've been thanking God every minute for that too.
We're waiting on test results over some biopsies of the tumor. to get the final go ahead. If we have an option, Nov. 19-20th will be the surgery.
This would mean, after my dad's awesome 50th birthday bash, I would stay home with my family to be by PaPa's bedside when he wakes up. And spend the whole week down in Victoria as opposed to the half a week planned back in Sept.

Thanks for everyone who has kept my family in their prayers, they are really helping out a lot. More to be updated as the week goes on.

For more in depth updates of the medical aspect check this out- thats my mom's site she made to inform the family of the dr.'s visits.

Much love and God Bless-
Emily

PaPa Dale

Just got one of those calls...
"Emily get a box of tissues and sit down"- "Pa Pa Dale has lung cancer..."
I wail....

Mom just called me. Pa Pa Dale was diagnosed today...

I'm so pissed off right now. Stupid STUPID FUCKING DISEASE..

I know he smoked for a long time... I know bad lungs run in his family...
But Jesus. Why him. Why not the people who smoke mary jane and shoot up heroine!

I was one of the lucky ones... PaPa is in a pickle. The tumor is between a rock and a hard place... more tests this week to find out if they can remove it. I pray to God that they can. I'm so mad

I'm thinking about going to med school now after this... or something... I can't take it anymore. Sitting here while people I know have known or even myself are being affected by cancer.

Dear God,
Please give PaPa the strength he needs to keep ahead of his illness. Be with Jackie and my mom so they can support him through this. And Please be with the doctors while they run these tests that they can fix the problem quickly and easily.

Amen

Fall 2007

So yet, another update.

I'm back home in Pearland right now. Mom is asleep in her bedroom, dad's lightly snoring on the couch. I'm watching the yummy looking pot roast simmering on a bed of what is to be the best gravy in the world.

Dad ran a 10 mile today. I don't know how he does it. But either way, its fun to see him happy and enjoying himself. He's quite the man.

I like these trips home. Long enough to feel rested, but short enough that I don't get tired of it. I didn't tell Tamara I was in town and surprised her Friday night. That girl is quite the support system. I'm kind of bummed she wont be going on the Spring Break Cruise with me, but either way, doesn't matter. I might get to have her hop along with us in Dec. if we decide to go on one then.

I just sat here a while ago and read through some of my old entries. Its amazing how much my life entails. Going back and reading an article from March 22nd 2007. So stressed over boys in the entry... yet not knowing that the night after that I would be under the knife, undergoing a surgery that saved my life from a lot of stress (the cancer). AMAZING. Just like that, my entire life changed. ...

Speaking of change... homegirl is still having some issues. I'm really trying my best to make those small adjustments. BUT ITS HARD.... soo hard that I want to give up already. and its just going on 2 weeks now... but I knew this would happen. I dunno, life is just hard. REALLY FREAKIN hard.
Granted its harder when you feel like you can't do anything right.. cause thats' def. how I feel lately. Like every step forward I take feels like 8 steps back in the eyes of my parents. But thats just a perception thing at this point I think.

I wish my life was easy. That I did what I have to do to be successful and thats it. But thats not Emily.
I don't really know what success is in my eyes at this point. I know 100% for sure of what my parent's ideas of success are. But I'm finding out that, which their's is good. It's not me. My biggest struggle I think in life at this point, is knowing what I want. Not going out of my way to make people happy even if it is my parents. I know that making straight A's and having $1000 in my checking account and no credit card debt would be ideal for them. But at this point I don't feel that me getting there would be for me. It would be to make them happy. I want them to be proud. (insert everyone including mom saying "emily, we are proud of you, we just want you to make better decisions")
This is where I'm torn. Better decisions to you, (which are understandable) aren't necessarily better decisions for me. I know credit card debt and over drafting aren't good for anyone. But when it comes to that extra hour out at starbucks the night before a test, I dont see that as a "dumb decision", I see that as an opportunity. the chance to work on my balance of social, studying, and even academic success.

To my family both immediate and distant:

I know I'm 21, and mistakes should be done being made. But they aren't for me.
I promise you I will fall, I promise you that I will slap myself in the head for not saving that one dollar, I promise you that I might not get it right the first, second, third, fourth, or maybe even fifth time...

But I do promise that I will get back up after I fall, I will realize that slapping my self on the head will hurt after a while, and maybe that sixth time, I'll actually get it right.

I might not grow up into the mature adult as fast as some would like. But maybe the people who have done so before me (cough cough my sister) were the ones who did it early. Ever think about that? "Shelley and I didn't have this conversation when she was 21", whose to say that she didn't figure it out early? When in fact a lot of people don't figure adulthood out until they're 30.

I'm very lost at this point. Not sure if I should do what I want to, and go down the path that I feel could lead to success. Or stick on the path my parents have delicately mapped out for me, out of love, experience, understanding, and patience.

HELP

-much love to my Mother, Father, Sister, Brother-in-law, family, and friends-
I love you guys

Post No. 70 - and quite the update

Hello Readers of my blog.

Sorry about the delay. Life has been too fast lately.

This semester has really flown by. Very excited to say, that I am really doing well with life.
Had a couple speed bumps in life in general with me figuring out that hey, i'm 21... need to grow up now.

So I have chosen to take advantage of the TTU Student Counseling Services to get my life on track. Yeah "some people will just think you're crazy" (compliments of shelley about 13 years ago). but mostly today I have seen the outcomes and benefits of it. AMAZING

Money is finally getting saved and put to better use. Minus my employer writing hot checks for pay checks.. thats a story I rather not go over to save me from smashing in the computer (im here at work)

School- I can honestly say, IM SICK AND TIRED OF THIS CRAP!!!!!
GRADUATION CANT COME SOON ENOUGH.
IM SICK OF 100000HRS OF WORK AND NO CREDIT!!!

ok, im off that soap box

*anxious to see where life takes me these next few months. Something tells me im on a new road that I've never been down before and i like it *


for those of you who read this guess what i finally came to!
boys are lame- i love em' but i hate em'.
so im taking applications for "im not an asshole" men.. please send them my way- must like to dance and have a good time


jk jk
but still


anywho that is all - hope all is well where ever you are..

love!

My word

Friday night, 1am, I'm sitting in my cluttered living room surrounded by price tags, lists, homework, candles just blown out and the sound of the tv in my bedroom murmuring in the back.

I'm in the 2nd week of school now. Not too bad school wise. But I wish I could say that for other aspects of my life.

Depressed doesn't begin to describe how I've felt this week. Utter LOST, wandering, and sheer confusion.

I just read my mom's most recent blog. Turns out that I still have yet to make the transition into adulthood. Tonight while i was talking w\ mom after work I realize that I just have to get passed this brick wall. I'm at the breaking point with life. ITS SO FREAKING HARD.

So I have a date with me myself and I tomorrow, to clean and detox. Get my ducks in the row.

Prayers will be much needed- and I'll try to keep you posted blog.

Em-Bizzle