One week

Well, its finally the last week of school. Well, a week and a few days. Today is also the count down to one week till my birthday. Woo the big 2-0. Too bad everyone who asks me how old im turing think ima say 21. Next year guys, next year.
These past few weeks have just about pushed me over the edge, not including the stomach bug i had last Thursday that I'm still recovering from.
Great news, as of 9pm tonight, I will no longer be a Mu Phi Epsilon Candidate, I will be active :-)
Juries and Finals are coming up, BRUTAL is too nice to put it. Well, finals should be easy, it just so happens that I picked an F'ing hard solo to play for my tuba jury. Dumbass that I am. I'll be alright to get it done, but it might just kill me this week. Juries are on Thursday so pray for me.
Im glad to see the semester winding down. Granted this is the most busiest time for a music major, I still have Mexico on my mind. A week with my parents and sister. A week to spend much needed time with them. I need this break from lubbock, I need my own time. Time to sort out my amazing turn around from last year, and time to sort out the stuff that still isnt taken care of.
I do have most of my shit together finally, but am lacking in a few departments. In time. Rome wasn't built in a day, but I figure the foundations and walls were built in 8 months. And I'm okay with that.

*almost done*
Emily

Old School

School is taking over my life. Times a million. I left my house at 830 yesterday morning only to get home (first time all day) at 11pm :( Today is gonna be just like it, maybe an hour at home, if im lucky.

Just a few more days and I'll be home free. AHH getting to sleep in, and long long naps, and even late nights. (Moreso than now).
I miss Tamara, a lot. I miss her terribly. She's just so cool, my other half. I don't know what I'd do without her.

I'm glad to get away from Lubbock, away from the drama, away from the stress and away from what is driving me nuts.

WEll I'm out- gotta take care of some more Mu Phi Stuff.

-Never Ending Emily-

Fun Dip

Fun dip is good, it dyes ur tongue different colors.

Life is hard. I know no one said it would be easy. But damn. Sometimes I feel like everything is going 100% then sometimes, im in the gutter. But thats not why people read this (if they do). They want to know about whats going on in my life.

Just had my last concert of the semester w\ "zoo" band. It was pretty rough, but the good news is, I got to be a percussionist tonight :-p for one song. I played Bass Drum. Lots of fun, and nice change of pace.

I got my big history paper done before 98% of my friends, and that was nice having that done. So I got to sit there and be moral support for the ones who didn't. :-) Although , I did feel like a minority. LOL

The only real big stuff that is stressing me out right now is Juries. I'm playing this wicked hard solo. And I've still got a lot of work to do on it. But I picked it myself, so i cant not do it. BLAH

Mu Phi Banquet is coming up. I love banquets, a nice time to get dressed up and show off my class. I have planned on going stag, but I've been told that I should be looking for a date. I was doing fine until i found out that mostly everyone going will have a date. So I guess I might have to start asking around? Dutch of course, I'm not gonna be looking for a relationship out of a banquet, just someone to be around.

I hate writing like a sad girl, but u know what. Sometimes I gotta get this stuff off my mind. So, if you don't want to hear about this. Skip to next paragraph.
-- I've got a lot of learning to do when it comes to my own relationships. Hell, I'll be the first to say that I suck at them. (or so i think) cause everytime I think i'm just casually seeing someone, I get screwed over. Even though it is mutually casual, I still get F*d over in the end... -- ( and thats all i gotta say about that)

I wrote that smaller because thats not whats important in my life right now, but something that IS on my mind.
So anyways, I feel I'll be updating this thing more often now. I tried putting a picture up in my profile but it didn't work. Meh, i think everyone who reads this knows what I look like.

I'm out-
later
Em

New song

I haven't been listenign to country music all that much lately. Not like I used too. but this passed Easter weekend, I was out on the boat w\ mom and dad and I heard this song by Conway Twitty. Its called. "she's got a man on her mind".
Here are the lyrics. - Ironic Eh? I think so.
See that far away look on her face
Twisting her hair, staring out into space
Theres no talking to her, don't even try
Better save your breath and just walk on by
She wasnt looking when he caught her eye
But now she can't see enough of that guy
Her head is spinning like a carnival wheel
Its getting scary but she loves how it feels.

Because shes got a man on her mind
Stirring in her soul, taking up all her time,
She's got all the symptoms, she's showing all the signs
She's got a man on her mind.

She's seeing less and less of the girls
Can't seem to fit them into her new world
Always the first to say that love wouldnt last
Now she's the one thats falling and shes falling pretty fast.

Because she's got a man on her mind
Stirring in her soul, taking up all her time,
She's got all the symptoms, she's showing all the signs
She's got a man on her mind.

It ain't been easy, just hanging tough,even harder
Understanding why she needs him so much
She's not herself when he's not around
Why he's even got her thinking 'bout settlin' down.

Because she's got a man on her mind
Stirring in her soul, taking up all her time,
She's got all the symptoms, she's showing all the signs
She's got a man on her mind.

Because she's got a man on her mind
Stirring in her soul, taking up all her time,
She's got all the symptoms, she's showing all the signs
She's got a man on her mind...

Just What I Needed

This weekend, is just what I needed.
Lots of sun, lots of fun, and a little bit more fun. Friday night I had friends over to play poker, and guess what, I WON!! :-) First time this semester. WOO WOO! Saturday I woke up and got the car wash up and running. we made $125 and after we get the wal-mart grant (if the app. gets approved) we will have made $220 (250-30 for expenses) Had some awesome dinner last night, and then went to hang w\ a new crowd, i haven't hung with a lot outside of school. They are so much fun!! :-) i had a blast minus leaving early.. but I was tired.
Today I slept in and I feel good, even though I'm still tired. Kara and I went on our every-other-sunday Olive Garden trip, it was yummy! :) as always. I'm so glad she's my Mu Phi big sister. I love talking to her! Now I'm working on this Music History paper I have due Apr. 21. I'm trying to get it done before Easter weekend so Mom and Shelley can edit it for me. Well, I'm off to do that, I'm ushering up at school later this evening, so that'll be another excuse to semi-dress up.
Later Folks!

sitting in class

I'm sitting here in class, Music History. It hasnt' started yet, but I figure this is a great way to look busy. Today has been a good day, finally getting everything back on track.

_______________________________________________________




So, here is my entry about nothing.
Why does the alphabet go in the order. "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTULWXYZ" why cant it be completely different, and who made it that way?
I promise, im not on crack.

Pubs, why do we have pubs in america? Why can't we think of our own name for drinking places, besides bars? Like, "swee's".

Yeah, this is a lot of talk about nothing, sensless topics and questions. At least I have this stuff taken care of.

Why does Dr. Smith have the tattoo of a unicorn on his forearm? Odd. I like the fact he looks like a viking though, its what makes him awesome, that and him being a GENIUS.

OY- today will be a long busy day, but my sister takes the cake on that.

later kidz

Mixed emotions

Hey Blog,
Well, here I go again. Another time for me to write you and talk to you about how much confusion boys are bringing to my life. Which isn't even that much. Its what I'm making them bring to my life.
Here is my own psyco-analysis. (however u spell that). I trick my mind into thinking that being good friends with someone means I love them more than a friend. Which, in fact is true. But more than a friend meaning, more of like a brother than a friend. A lot of times I mix up that feeling for an actual crush and thats when I get tossed around as the "sisterly" type.
-now having come to that conclusion-
I have found that recently, i have been shutting out most of my guy friends that I have been talking to, in hopes to keep myself available for this said friend. When in fact, that friend is more of a brother to me, and I pray\think every day that he is happy. Just like I do to my family.
This meaning....
* If my parents were to have had a son, I would imagine him to turn out something like this friend of mine. *

So, shame on me, Blog... lets hope that my eyes open back up to what ive been shutting them off to for about 2 months now.

Over analyzer

Hello,
My name is Emily. I overanalyze EVERYTHING.
THAT IS ALL

________________________

ok, sry had to get that outa my system.. ive had this really big thing eating away at me... and tonight, thanks to my trusty mu phi buddy Sarah, ive finally gotten it off my chest. thanks for listenin girl..
________________________________________________________

lots has been going on... all good, but all very very busy. lots of tests, mu phi stuff, homework, and some form of a social life. on top of that this wicked crazy secret that im working on :-D.

_____________________________________________________

I've also come to the realization that i have been pre-occupying (is that how u spell that?) myself with things that i have no control over. THUS, wasting my time and energy... imagine that?

anyways, im gonna use the rest of this week to sit back relax and chill and get my stuff taken care of... lifes too short to stress the things u cant control.

goodnight!

It's the little things in life

Mom said I needed to update. Thus, here i go...

The little things in life. The things that keep you going, your "mantras". (MOM)

Here are some of mine.

1. Hugs: These are like men, some are strong, overwhelming, wimpy, embracing, just right, too long, too short. (lol) J\K -- I couldnt resist.
And its funny. When a hug fits, ever think about that? When you hug someone, its just the right hold, length, and litterally, the 2 bodies fit together (aka perfect height and arm lengths).


2. Sunsets: Always welcome to listen to your thoughts, never stay too long, and will be there every night. Dependable. Even if you can't see them, they're sibling sunrise will be around shortly. :)

3. Goose-bumps: silly little things. Always tell an emotion. Sometimes cold, sometimes scared, sometimes the need to pee, sometimes ticklish. Always around when you dont want or need them.

4. Hot baths: Now this is a way to relax on your own clock. These can be long or short. Bubbly or not... Soothing or productive. You can either A. Soak and ponder or B. Wash hair, bathe, and shave.

5. Straws and Lids: 2 things that have saved my clothes the most. Yeah, sometimes they F- up, but hey, we all do. But they got ur back if u cup falls over. Saving an embarassing "it looks like i just pee'd my pants, but i really didnt" story.

Don't you think?

Amazing weekend

Hey there Blog!

Wow. what an amazing weekend. Tamara got in town Thursday, and I haven't stopped having fun yet! I MEAN WOAH. She's still in town. and i really hope she comes up here more often!





:-)

writing

sometimes i get the urge to write. actually its a lot of the time. randomly throughout the day, ill just want to sit down with a notebook and write. all of my thoughts.... no exact topic, but just writing, like im doing now.

some people would call it a waste of time, but i use stuff like this as a release of my stress or whatever is on my mind. im actually up at school right now and am just waiting for my next class to start. woo- school, im doing really well, but damn its tiring.

i had a lot of good thinking time this past weekend. sadly enough, i didnt take advantage of it... :( it bums me out because i could have. ive had a lot on my mind lately about my life. i realize now that i think too much in my past. the partier- i havent gotten past it yet it seems. yeah i dont do it anymore, but its more to it than that. its like with the times im not partying im thinking about the times i used to party. all of this thinking goes away the second im around my friends, which is great, but i do have doubts about myself, am i a bad friend for finding a new crowd? does it mke me a bad friend, the fact i havent hung with them in about 4 months? i wish i could just go hang out with them again like old times, but thats just not me anymore.

spring break is coming up and i couldnt be more excited. i mean wow- cruising is like the only thing thats on my mind right now. its all i think about all the time
whether or not ill have fun on this next vacation, who ill meet, and what will happen. will my old ways take over me?
iono
gotta go to class- ttyl
em

what a weekend

what a weekend, i must say, TMEA is by far the coolest event of the spring semester, with the exception to spring break of course.

lets see
- me dave evan lee and jared drove down to san antonio wednesday, and had by far too much fun doing that. i swear, jared and dave had me laughing the hardest ive laughed in a long time.... Elmo and butterflies

-we stayed at a days inn in san antonio, it was kinda in the ghetto, but the hotel itself wasnt bad at all. but yet in this 2 queen sized bed hotel room, the guys heard in full swing my sleeping problem. i MOAN too loud- :( yeah, some people snore, but if u sleep near me you hear a nice, moan with almost every exhale. embarassing...
YES

-TMEA was a lot of fun, I found a new mouthpiece i really like and also a new horn. but as of right now the mouthpiece is the realistic new purchase. duh. i dont just have another $8000 lying around for easy fun spending...

-San Antonio, still remains my #1 favorite city in Texas. everything about it...just amazes me, a town full of history and pride. complex but traditional. along with the fact that I got to see my dad!! he had to come up for some work and so i got to go eat with him. (tears welling up in eyes). he's amazing. i love him. he gave a good surprise

---thus all good things must come to an end-- along with that, so must another day closer till tamara gets up here... :)

---i miss my family. spring break cant get here soon enough- me them and a big sea ahead of us.-

goodnight

sometimes

sometimes in life, we find ourselves wandering around....just wondering what will happen next.

it makes me laugh to know that in one instant, your life is falling apart, the next, you couldn't be more on top of things. i mean, when will everything just fit into place for more than 3 hours....

last week had to have been the hardest week ive had in a while. i must say for the first time in my life, i didnt let anything interfere with my school work! i had all my homework done again, i was prepared for my lesson, my house got cleaned, and i hung with friends.

i really have been trying this whole, "no matter what dont let your personal life take you away from the real reason you are in lubbock", idea. finally i put it into use. i was really down on myself about a lot of friend issues... luckily they all got resolved and im happy to know that me and my friends are adult enough to work through any situation.

in a previous entry i started to talk about boys but then i said, "thats for another time"
- that was like over a week ago.
boys: the fruit of all female stress, both good and bad... the reason girls dress up, wear makeup, and laugh at jokes that arent even funny.

i have finally realized that girls will always dress up, wear makeup, and laugh uncontrollably for no reason... now its just finding the balance of importance\priorities.

family
school
friends
"significant others"

thats the way it should go. and thats the way it will go

E-Bo

A lot on my mind

I have so much on my mind right now.

school friends family boys school tuba friends family boys....
doesnt seem like a lot, but im on system overload

School-
School is going AMAZING, this is the strongest i've felt after the first 4 weeks of school. I am EXTREMELY excited about Mu Phi, and this being my candidate semester, really rox.. I enjoy the company of all my siblings, and I can't wait for the candidates to become even closer.

Friends-
I have amazing friends... they all seem to understand me where I'm coming from even if they arent in my shoes. I was really down last night about my friends not understanding my drive to be a better student...after some good talking w\ mom and christal, i came to terms that they do understand and are willing to help me with this.

Family-
AMAZING, im speechless..brilliant, funny, wonderful, AWESOME (squared), WOW

Boys-
This is a rough subject.
i'll elaborate more tomorrow

im tired
goodnight

Refreshed

Well.....

Friday I hopped on the happy trail on to Marble Falls. I must say, this past weekend was MUCH needed. I really needed to clear my head when it came to what my priorities are. Of course, I'm in line, but I was giving too much of my time to worthless parts of my life. AKA FREAKIN BOYS!!!!

After spending time with the 4 most important people in my life (mom dad shelley and gretal), I refocused on the task at hand, and thats me kicking ass at school this year. So far so good, I love all my classes and I must say, they keep me on my toes.

Tamara is coming up here March 2nd, and I can honestly say, I CAN'T WAIT!! It's gonna rock hardcore! Not much of the whole partying scene, but just spending time with her. UGH I miss her so much! The best part is..... 6 days, she'll be here 6 days!!!! AHH! granted I'll have to go to classes, but still it's so cool!!

wow, this is the first time I think I have ever used (!!!!) in this journal. woot?

wish me luck- ill update more later

E-Bo*

YES!

I get to go see my family tomorrow- I can't wait.

finally the break i need.
from everything!!

ill update more later

Painting

i've recently picked up painting. its quite the therapeudic way to pass time
however u spell that anyways.

this weekend was fun, i lost at poker, induction was awesome, and i'm excited about the semester in Mu Phi.

i dont understand me sometimes. lol does that make any sense? i look at everything going on at this time and i couldnt be happier, but.. (the ever famous but) what if im missing out on something? im scared that in the midst of me just focusing on school and maintaining a healthy social life, im forgetting to let my hair down. as CRAZY as last year was with all the partying i did. sometimes i feel as if that was the real me? but then i think about how far ive come as an adult. although an occasional drink is okay and social. ive yet to be drunk this year. yes folks, you heard me, Emily has not been drunk in 6 months, dont get me wrong, there have been nights ive drank a few drinks, but not once have i been out of my box. wow. sounds like ive gone through rehab... but it never was an issue of how much i drank, it was how i handled drinking... honestly looking back at it, very high schoolish... almost like thats what i needed to do to prove myself worthy of the friends i had. now, i have these friends who i am just myself, and im accepted. dont get me wrong, i loved my party crew last year, oh so many good times..i miss them more than they prolly think. but i just needed to get out on my own, find my little niche.

wow- i dunno what brought that up. but yeah- see what i mean that i dont understand myself sometimes...

Homesick, or over-caring?

Another night gone, another night left for me to ponder through.

I'm confused as to whether or not I'm homesick. I'm sitting here at my computer, just wishing I was home with my mom (she just had a knee scope\knee cap adjustment friday) to take care of her. It could be the ultimate load of caffeine I've had tonight, but I'm not sure; I just can't seem to clear my head.

I think I have a bad habit of over-caring for my friends and family...Where I care so much about them, I forget about myself sometimes. I find myself always going through the list of close people to me, and consciously thinking what they're doing and or if they're happy or not... (this of course, is when we arent hanging out together). More than the "What they're doing" Its more of a "are they happy or not"... these friends of mine mean so much to me, and how happy they make me is how happy i want to make all of them. even the ones i don't know so well, regardless- i care...

like right now, my mom..is she sleeping? lying in bed in pain? is she comfortable? or christal... did she have fun tonight? was her anniversary dinner as romantic as it sounded?

Whats sad is, I can put all this entry into 5 words.
I THINK TOO DAMN MUCH

with that, i say goodnight
Mu Phi Epsilon inductions tomorrow night, I'm excited! woo!

weekend plans

Hello,

Hmm... tomorrow night -
Poker, movie, hanging out. my kinda fun. laid back good time, no drama, no stress, just fun.

saturday night-
good question

sunday night-
mu phi epsilon induction ceremony. im anxious! woo

_____________________

bored.
so F*in BORED - thats me

Pondering

hello blogspot.
my name is emily. i have a bad habit of writing journals as letters. the journal being my non-responsive pen pal. if anybody has read my old online journal, they should know what i'm talking about..

this semester is going relatively well if i do say so myself. school is better than ever, and so are my friends. cant complain at all. i like all my classes, even though my 8 oclock mon. and wed. mornings is rough sleep wise, i can handle it.

anxious for the ball to get rolling in studio, i have great expectations of myself this semester. woo!

anyways im off to bed
goodnight