the countdown begins

tminus 9 days (from tomorrow) that I'll be in in lubbock.
ah that sounds so cool! 9 days, i cant wait. best part is, my parents will be there, thats the best of both worlds i was tellin u about.

i cant wait for the colorado trip, its going to be so much fun. lots of poker :) i need a new pair of shoes
haha

later folks

geez

Sorry about that last post. I had taken out my stress on my lonely factor. Kinda dumb I know.
Anyways, I'm about to go to work, its not too bad considering its just driving two girls around Houston, so I can't complain much.

you know whats exciting! I'll be in lubbock on the 17th-19th! :( I get to come home and work for a few more days then go back to Lbk for the international conference. I'm excited about that like you couldn't believe. Don't get me wrong I love my family, but when I come home, its way different. I guess that whole not having a bed thing really wasnt fun to realize. But then I think of people who sleep on a couch when they come home, so a futon isnt so bad after all. I miss my family when I'm gone, but not when I come home. I love it when they come up there. Like I get the best of both worlds. Maybe thats why I'm in such a hurry to get back up there. I'm not sure. It's just frustrating to try to figure it out. Thats why I should just keep up my job and let June 17th get here when it does.

Well I'm off to finish getting ready. -More update later -


E-Bo

if you divide either 5 or 3 by 2 you always end up with 1

My name is Emily. I'm a permant 5th wheel when I'm home or around any family. Regardless of a big argument between the 2 said couples, i'm still the one sitting in the back of the car daydreaming wondering why I even exisit sometimes. I know thats a shitty thing to say, but I am reluctant to come home this next year w\ Shelley now moving back home. Shelley steve mom and dad. the magnificant 4. and their sidekick emily. The reason why I'm so anxious to get up to Lubbock is because, I don't have that 5th wheel syndrome when i'm up there... like, I actually have a bed &I don't get kicked out because of my future brother-in-law and stuck on a futon and a shower I can't use. In Lubbock I have these friends that are my life. They're the other 5th wheels of the world. But regardless of just being the 5th wheel I do feel beyond lonely here. I spend most of my time here online. Staring at the screen, anxious to talk to my friends. It's hard cause I love Tamara to death, but I also love many of my friends up in Lbk. I went and saw her tonight, I met her boyfriend. He's really nice and I def. approve, but then I was the 3rd wheel. I hate odd numbers.

I have always hated odd numbers. why cant it be 5 divided by one.. because no matter what country u're at. if u divide 5 or 3 by two, you will always have ONE leftover. I'm not asking\looking to make my family's #6, but I am wanting for once in a long time, to not be just sitting in the back of the car daydreaming, or wondering how many more arguments from now until the wedding, or will i be yet another cause that we have to wait an extra 10 minutes for a dinner table, or even borrowing a chair from another table. Its not some sappy oh poor me I'm single talk. It's me wanting a partner in crime, someone to just hang with to fill that 4th or 6th seat when I'm starting to daydream again. Just so I have someone to talk to. It's me saying how I don't miss it when its gone. And I cherish the times when I don't feel it.
And I'm also wondering if anyone else ever feels the same way I do?

paradise found

Mexico. Wow words cant describe, my last entry (that is now deleted) was harsh and rash, but i was just acting instinctively.
A few more days here, I have a lot of stuff I'd love to go to, but I'm not sure if we'll have enough time. There is this night lounge called Jazz Heaven. We're going to try to go Monday evening. I hope that'll be a lot of fun.
I like being in a different country. As I walk down the street and I kinda get lossed, its amazing how the culture here is so pure. Traditions and lifestyle. Two things that are important to me. A part of me just wants to go out to this lounge we were just out, by myself sip on a glass of wine and watch people. See who I meet and what kind of conversations I could get lossed in. I'm a dreamer. My sister and my mom make fun of me for it. But I just can't help it. I just love to wonder what my life could be even if it was just for one moment. One person I meet, or even I say hello to, or give a smile. Its funny how much smiles can speak. I dont speak very good Spanish but I do know that a smile can say everything you need to.
Oh well. Here's to dreaming and good wine. Maybe one day it'll be a reality.

Cha Cha

T-Minus two days until Mexico.
Today since ive been home ive been brushing up my lack of salsa dancing skills, the only thing i know is to swing my hips back and forth, who knows, maybe ill come home w\ some new skills.

There is this song by Chelo called Cha Cha, its sad how i found it, one of the last nights i was in lubbock, i was channel surfing and i saw it on telemundo, i liked it so i listened, this dude was FREAKIN gorgeous, although i have no idea what he was saying, it was fun to like and be interested in some culture.

i wanna go back to lubbock, i wanna cancel my work plans and just go up there and work. but i did have big plans already for this summer, but w\ everything going on w\ my family right now i just feel like getting in my truck and driving. for a long long time. just me and my truck. just to see where i end up.

but u know, im not going to, just gonna sit here and think about it.
oh well, a least mexico is soon to come

later

run away

Sometimes regardless of where i'm at in my life. I want to run away. Today i was sitting out on the front porch of our lakehouse, and just watched the mesquite trees blow in the wind. you know what i noticed, they're the trees that sound like the ocean. each specific branch has individual leaves on it, when the wind blows, it makes this distinct woosh sound. faint to anybody walking by, but i think if you just sit and listen, you can hear them. might sound poetic to some people but i found peace today out on the stoop (yes its a stoop). i had the feeling someone was watching me, i looked up, it was our neighbor's across the street's cat. he\she (whichever) was just sitting there staring right at me. not meowing, not moving. just staring, kinda like it knew what i was thinking or maybe it felt lonely like me (owners were gone). then the dog came around the back corner and stared at me for a while. then he ran closer but not out of their driveway and started barking at me. an old beagle, he's cute but gots the old dog bark. i would whistle a few pitches at him and he'd bark back, always in the same pitch. funny how i notice that. seems that no matter where im at, im always caught in the middle. the pets across the street and my family in the house behind me. in the house there is comotion, cooking, talking\discussing\yelling, then there is me, sometimes outside by myself, sometimes in lubbock, or sometimes in the mix of it in my own little world, like ive trained my brain to runaway when im scared. ever notice when youre scared, thats when you feel the most alone? ive been scared ever since b4 school let out. thats a long time to feel lonely. but then again, so does a lot. i know i shouldnt be complaining i love my life, i love my family, i love my friends, and most of all i love God. but sometimes i feel so lost. grasping at every inch of "figured it out" i can. when im not sure of 98% of what goes on in my life. ive been struggling lately with a lot of things. im writing a lot more now (obviously) trying to get them sorted out. but it seems that every time i get something figured out, more gets piled on for me to sort. ironic? i think so. i miss lubbock. but i have until the end of june at home. which is good, maybe its God giving me time to get this stuff sorted out. i hope so, its hard to live like this.

ps. lion king on broadway tomorrow, in san antonio. finally good music again, i miss it. i love it. i can't wait!

-wandering around-
emily

get away

it just seems that i cant get away from it. stupid freakin' wedding stuff.
its either, shelley's, lauren's, mike's, jenn's, or angela's. dont get me wrong, i'm happy for them, but for once can we please not talk about it!!!!!
it haunts me. i swear.
im working on getting ready for my family's much needed mexico trip, we leave houston next wednesday for a whole week! oy i cant wait. ima come back looking like a mexican! who knows, maybe ill pic up on some spanish\salsa dancing.
im looking forward to the tequila seminars, and oodles of margaritas, let alone, the beer.... ahhh, ice cold cerveza (iono if thats even how u spell it).
i told my mom this is my one week im going to have to pickle my liver, other than that i'll be chill this summer. a few exceptions of course. like Colorado for instance, i have a feeling, that's gonna be a blast. having gone 1\2 a summer w\ out much male interaction, i might just be too girly for them by then. meh, they might need that.
pearland is by far one of the most boring towns ever. i feel bad for complaining about lubbock. but im really starting to miss it. kinda like when im up there i start to miss pearland. but not this soon of course. i love being home and spending time with my family, dont get me wrong, i just wish we lived up there. but i suppose i cant have the best of both worlds.

this weekend is marble falls, and thats exciting. becaues sunday im going to san antonio w\ the family to go see Lion King on broadway!!!! yes! @ the majestic. woo! im so excited, get me around some good music again! then we're staying the night @ the Emily Morgan hotel, which im told is super nice. so that'll be a nice little embellishment on luxury for the weekend. specially getting prices @ 68 bucks a night. yea priceline! *(i think)*

well its 1030 and in pearland time that means, time to get ready for bed. so ima go shower and what not- more updates to come

very very bored\excited about mexico-
Emily

changes

Change #1 - hair


















Now that that is out of my system change #2 - continue swimming like a mad woman
Change #3, you'll have to wait and see :-d

a better person

i want to be a better person
i had a lot of time to think this past weekend, and look back on whats been going on lately and where my priorities were. i had let the old emily sneak in, one who got mixed in with drama and emotions, when in fact i should be going on with my life, as me. not of who i "should" be. I know my family loves me but its hard to live a single life with some family members breathing down my neck of my sole purpose in life is to be skinny, have a boyfriend and get married and make babies. thats not my immediate family but just some family in general. it gets frustrating sitting around hearing all these stories of wedding planning, or long relationships and even where ill be in ten years. i know i dont need to be in a rush to fall into this category, but every single family gathering i go to now results in someones wedding planning, or marriage status, or the fact that im the only one in both sides of my family above the age of 10 not in some sort of relationship. my dad and i have talked about this a lot, and that i shouldnt be in any big hurry. and i know that. but its hard not to think about it when everyone is talking, wedding dress this, budget that, food this, ring bearer that. i mean come on. makes me wanna go run to a secluded place and just forget about everything. a place to just hide from all the white, tulips, brown, and tuxes. a place kinda like lubbock

so back to the starting track- a better person
to get past the fact that i am the lucky person in my family that IS single
live knowing that tomorrow will take care of itself
spend as much time with my parents. sister, and soon to be brother-in-law as possible
enjoy the fact that im back home in my roots, not forgetting where i came from

Congratulations shelley
woo

sad sad ebo

i missed my chance i think
plain and simple

why does this always happen to me. WHY?

-crapfully crap
em

woulda coulda shoulda

Why hello.

Woulda Coulda Shoulda

Woulda- I would have had I had more time
Coulda- I could have done the best thing for me in a while.
Shoulda- I should have this weight lifted off my shoulders.

Anyways. now that that is out of my system....
Family is frustrating. Not immediate, but the ones outside of it.

I love being home, but it seems a part of me is still in Lubbock. Waiting, like I have unfinished business to tend to up there. Odd, my week in Mexico will be more than enough time to clear it out of my head.

Shelley graduates Saturday morning. Wow. College Grad. That's scary. I'm going to be at school for a LONG lOnG tIme.

drunk

i remember adrian having a blog entry titled this. i must say. he was quite right, sober entries are completely different than drunk ones.

today is my birthday. 20. wow no longer a teenager, but in some cases just as scared as one.
like tonight.
i was one big giant baby
why cant i write what i want to say? i mean come on. this is rediculous. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

anywho, an awesome night, a good dinner and movie with an AMAZINGly AWESOME friend.

-ebo

Final Round

There is this show on MTV called "yo momma". Its quite funny, I like it. Learning some new put downs.

Finals are in full swing right now and I must say, they wont be as bad as I was making them to be.

Mu Phi banquet was last night, it was a lot of fun. a few kinks in my first DJing debut, but meh. I also have a few things going on that I'm trying to work my way through. Summer will help them out a lot.

Anyways, maybe one day I'll get the guts to really write down whats on my mind.

One week

Well, its finally the last week of school. Well, a week and a few days. Today is also the count down to one week till my birthday. Woo the big 2-0. Too bad everyone who asks me how old im turing think ima say 21. Next year guys, next year.
These past few weeks have just about pushed me over the edge, not including the stomach bug i had last Thursday that I'm still recovering from.
Great news, as of 9pm tonight, I will no longer be a Mu Phi Epsilon Candidate, I will be active :-)
Juries and Finals are coming up, BRUTAL is too nice to put it. Well, finals should be easy, it just so happens that I picked an F'ing hard solo to play for my tuba jury. Dumbass that I am. I'll be alright to get it done, but it might just kill me this week. Juries are on Thursday so pray for me.
Im glad to see the semester winding down. Granted this is the most busiest time for a music major, I still have Mexico on my mind. A week with my parents and sister. A week to spend much needed time with them. I need this break from lubbock, I need my own time. Time to sort out my amazing turn around from last year, and time to sort out the stuff that still isnt taken care of.
I do have most of my shit together finally, but am lacking in a few departments. In time. Rome wasn't built in a day, but I figure the foundations and walls were built in 8 months. And I'm okay with that.

*almost done*
Emily

Old School

School is taking over my life. Times a million. I left my house at 830 yesterday morning only to get home (first time all day) at 11pm :( Today is gonna be just like it, maybe an hour at home, if im lucky.

Just a few more days and I'll be home free. AHH getting to sleep in, and long long naps, and even late nights. (Moreso than now).
I miss Tamara, a lot. I miss her terribly. She's just so cool, my other half. I don't know what I'd do without her.

I'm glad to get away from Lubbock, away from the drama, away from the stress and away from what is driving me nuts.

WEll I'm out- gotta take care of some more Mu Phi Stuff.

-Never Ending Emily-

Fun Dip

Fun dip is good, it dyes ur tongue different colors.

Life is hard. I know no one said it would be easy. But damn. Sometimes I feel like everything is going 100% then sometimes, im in the gutter. But thats not why people read this (if they do). They want to know about whats going on in my life.

Just had my last concert of the semester w\ "zoo" band. It was pretty rough, but the good news is, I got to be a percussionist tonight :-p for one song. I played Bass Drum. Lots of fun, and nice change of pace.

I got my big history paper done before 98% of my friends, and that was nice having that done. So I got to sit there and be moral support for the ones who didn't. :-) Although , I did feel like a minority. LOL

The only real big stuff that is stressing me out right now is Juries. I'm playing this wicked hard solo. And I've still got a lot of work to do on it. But I picked it myself, so i cant not do it. BLAH

Mu Phi Banquet is coming up. I love banquets, a nice time to get dressed up and show off my class. I have planned on going stag, but I've been told that I should be looking for a date. I was doing fine until i found out that mostly everyone going will have a date. So I guess I might have to start asking around? Dutch of course, I'm not gonna be looking for a relationship out of a banquet, just someone to be around.

I hate writing like a sad girl, but u know what. Sometimes I gotta get this stuff off my mind. So, if you don't want to hear about this. Skip to next paragraph.
-- I've got a lot of learning to do when it comes to my own relationships. Hell, I'll be the first to say that I suck at them. (or so i think) cause everytime I think i'm just casually seeing someone, I get screwed over. Even though it is mutually casual, I still get F*d over in the end... -- ( and thats all i gotta say about that)

I wrote that smaller because thats not whats important in my life right now, but something that IS on my mind.
So anyways, I feel I'll be updating this thing more often now. I tried putting a picture up in my profile but it didn't work. Meh, i think everyone who reads this knows what I look like.

I'm out-
later
Em

New song

I haven't been listenign to country music all that much lately. Not like I used too. but this passed Easter weekend, I was out on the boat w\ mom and dad and I heard this song by Conway Twitty. Its called. "she's got a man on her mind".
Here are the lyrics. - Ironic Eh? I think so.
See that far away look on her face
Twisting her hair, staring out into space
Theres no talking to her, don't even try
Better save your breath and just walk on by
She wasnt looking when he caught her eye
But now she can't see enough of that guy
Her head is spinning like a carnival wheel
Its getting scary but she loves how it feels.

Because shes got a man on her mind
Stirring in her soul, taking up all her time,
She's got all the symptoms, she's showing all the signs
She's got a man on her mind.

She's seeing less and less of the girls
Can't seem to fit them into her new world
Always the first to say that love wouldnt last
Now she's the one thats falling and shes falling pretty fast.

Because she's got a man on her mind
Stirring in her soul, taking up all her time,
She's got all the symptoms, she's showing all the signs
She's got a man on her mind.

It ain't been easy, just hanging tough,even harder
Understanding why she needs him so much
She's not herself when he's not around
Why he's even got her thinking 'bout settlin' down.

Because she's got a man on her mind
Stirring in her soul, taking up all her time,
She's got all the symptoms, she's showing all the signs
She's got a man on her mind.

Because she's got a man on her mind
Stirring in her soul, taking up all her time,
She's got all the symptoms, she's showing all the signs
She's got a man on her mind...

Just What I Needed

This weekend, is just what I needed.
Lots of sun, lots of fun, and a little bit more fun. Friday night I had friends over to play poker, and guess what, I WON!! :-) First time this semester. WOO WOO! Saturday I woke up and got the car wash up and running. we made $125 and after we get the wal-mart grant (if the app. gets approved) we will have made $220 (250-30 for expenses) Had some awesome dinner last night, and then went to hang w\ a new crowd, i haven't hung with a lot outside of school. They are so much fun!! :-) i had a blast minus leaving early.. but I was tired.
Today I slept in and I feel good, even though I'm still tired. Kara and I went on our every-other-sunday Olive Garden trip, it was yummy! :) as always. I'm so glad she's my Mu Phi big sister. I love talking to her! Now I'm working on this Music History paper I have due Apr. 21. I'm trying to get it done before Easter weekend so Mom and Shelley can edit it for me. Well, I'm off to do that, I'm ushering up at school later this evening, so that'll be another excuse to semi-dress up.
Later Folks!

sitting in class

I'm sitting here in class, Music History. It hasnt' started yet, but I figure this is a great way to look busy. Today has been a good day, finally getting everything back on track.

_______________________________________________________




So, here is my entry about nothing.
Why does the alphabet go in the order. "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTULWXYZ" why cant it be completely different, and who made it that way?
I promise, im not on crack.

Pubs, why do we have pubs in america? Why can't we think of our own name for drinking places, besides bars? Like, "swee's".

Yeah, this is a lot of talk about nothing, sensless topics and questions. At least I have this stuff taken care of.

Why does Dr. Smith have the tattoo of a unicorn on his forearm? Odd. I like the fact he looks like a viking though, its what makes him awesome, that and him being a GENIUS.

OY- today will be a long busy day, but my sister takes the cake on that.

later kidz

Mixed emotions

Hey Blog,
Well, here I go again. Another time for me to write you and talk to you about how much confusion boys are bringing to my life. Which isn't even that much. Its what I'm making them bring to my life.
Here is my own psyco-analysis. (however u spell that). I trick my mind into thinking that being good friends with someone means I love them more than a friend. Which, in fact is true. But more than a friend meaning, more of like a brother than a friend. A lot of times I mix up that feeling for an actual crush and thats when I get tossed around as the "sisterly" type.
-now having come to that conclusion-
I have found that recently, i have been shutting out most of my guy friends that I have been talking to, in hopes to keep myself available for this said friend. When in fact, that friend is more of a brother to me, and I pray\think every day that he is happy. Just like I do to my family.
This meaning....
* If my parents were to have had a son, I would imagine him to turn out something like this friend of mine. *

So, shame on me, Blog... lets hope that my eyes open back up to what ive been shutting them off to for about 2 months now.