Merry Christmas

Hello there blog world. It's me again. I'm not sure what to write on here, so bear with me as I just type away.

I'm enjoying my "Winter break" so far, actually I'm quite irked that we have to call it "winter break" it's my Christmas vacation, and I don't care who I piss off really. I enjoy Christmas and what it represents, now do I think that it makes me religiously two-faced, yeah. I'm not really good about maintaining the great connection with my Father upstairs throughout the year, but to me I see that no matter what I can guarantee that my heart always goes back to the true meaning of Christmas. Which is the point I suppose. Jesus was born out of love from God, therefore we celebrate his birthday as a celebration of love. Compliments of my student's Christmas program, "Christmas is love" simple words that put it into perspective.

Next topic that has popped into my mind: Friends
I had this old friend, she and I were inseparable growing up. I mean, attached at the hip, but now I find myself distanced from her. Not because of her, but because of me. I've removed myself from the friendship with her. But now after years of avoiding it she's really upset with me and probably is hoping I die at this point. So even if she doesn't read this, I want to put it out there so maybe one day I can tell her I thought about it a lot...

T-
I know I have not been there for the past couple of years, trust me I'm aware of it, and I want to come clean.

Last December when you and I got together for dinner and I sat down and told you what had originally upset me, I was super excited to get it off my chest. I saw it as the opportunity to start clean and get back into our rhythm. I talked about the things that upset me, and still do this day really do still bother me. But as you know it didn't change my desire to keep to myself. That is when I figured that (in my heart) it was time to move on. Not to "move on" from all the incredible memories and fun times we had, but to move on from childhood. I was ready to take a leap of faith by myself to make something on my own. Graduated college, bought a house, travel the world, and take care my own dreams. Now here is where I'm torn, now this shouldn't mean I had to drop our friendship all together, I know. But to me that is how the cards fell. Our schedules never matched up, I don't have the spontaneous personality any more, and have found my rhythm to a simple home life.

I was really upset with what you posted on my facebook wall a few weeks ago. Talking about how "we can't even say hi anymore". First of all, if I did see you there, I would have absolutely said hi,but I had no clue you were even there... to make that further clearer, Steve (brother in law) was also there, and I didn't even see him... once I got over the shock of you "de-friending" me on Facebook, I then thought to myself, why didn't YOU come say hi to me? 2 way street.

Then I look back to August\September, you sent me a text message that said "I could really use your friendship right now" I tried responding but since I was at reliant stadium, I couldn't get the text sent out in time, then you send me a scathing one back about not responding.
Please be fair. Don't be too quick to judge.

Maybe our paths will cross again and on a positive note, where if I do see you I can say hi, or if you see me, you will come up and say hi. I hope that you will be able to see it from more than one direction one day. See where I'm coming from. Until then, take care of yourself, and don't forget our happier times...

Emily



_____________________________
okay, that makes me feel even better.. maybe i can email that to her one day, hell i know it's not perfect but its closer to what needs to be said than nothing.

Back to my rambling
_____________________________

Happiness: I wish everyone around me could elude happiness more. Including myself. There have been recent times where I listen to those close to me and really bothers me with the negativity that always seems to override the positivity. I know that not all of us love our jobs 100%, but that's what we're doing right now. However, just because someone has had a bad day doesn't mean we need to make them feel worse about it.

So here is my resolution for 2011:to exude more happiness
To pull the school's 3:1 ratio of positive:negatives in my life. Not saying to someone, but to be 75% more positive of the time to counteract the inevitable 25% of the time that things won't be going the way I want.

This way, even if people I'm close to, or are acquaintances with need someone are having a bad day, they won't have to worry about me making it worse by making them feel bad about it.

Alrighty, I'm done rambling on here... off to wrap more presents and enjoy my Christmas VACATION!

ps. I love you PaPa and miss you tons still!!

Em

I did it!

I have successfully marked #1 on my bucket list off. HOLY SHIT. Sadly those are the first two words that came to mind as i typed that. I'm sitting back at my house, slowly uploading pictures to facebook. Really slowly. One day's pictures at a time.

It was an amazing trip. I wish I could put it into words on how awesome it was. Everything I dreamed it would be and more. My expectations were exceeded by all aspects of the trip. No, I didn't find a hot Italian man to fall in love with yet, but I know he's out there.... haha

Christmas is coming up and I find myself in quite the spirit this year, listening to the music and Granny decorating our house one thing at a time helps too! Ready to have Xmas break off to just be at home with family and friends.. hopefully Santa will be good this year? I think so, because he's always amazing.

Merry Christmas all!


ps. i still miss PaPa

Guess what

In a simple 6 days, I will be going to Italy.. amazing.

I can't believe it, almost I can't imagine it... 24 years old, and I'm already working on my bucket list.. I wonder what will be my new number 1 will be... haha maybe to spend more than a week there will be the next one.

I wonder what it'll be like over there? I wonder who I'll meet? Such wonder, and excitement. Add another side of nerves\fear and you have my emotions.

It's going to be amazing.. i can't wait.

My dream

I wish I lived a life of infinite funds, a job with no stress, and the freedom to take time off and travel whenever the urge hits.

I wish my life was filled with honest friends who didn't make me "work" at the friendship, I could go out with them and not worry about awkward relationship situations and no issues about families.

I wish my family had their dreams come true, that our lives could mirror each other.

I wish that movie situations were real. That the "happy ending" really does come true, and it IS possible for you to find love the sappy romantic way.

I wish there was no cancer in the world, its a horrible disease and just hurts everyone.

How can I make this dream come true, as fast as possible?

-pondering-Emily

miss my papa

Yes, I still have my blog

Hello blog readers, it is I, Emily, back from a 6 month hiatus.

I am writing this sitting on my red couch of MY house. Yes, I Emily B.-24 am a home owner! It happened in May, 25th actually, I closed on my house. Its a 1410 sq ft, 3br\2bath home. Corner lot, large back yard, 2 car garage, and the perfect starter house for me.

I have a room-mate, against popular opinion, my Granny (Martha) is my room mate. What social goodness does that bring me (single 24 year old) well, I understand that this could be a hassle when it comes to dating life, but I'm very confident that its the best decision.

Granny had been living in an apartment for 10 years, now lets do the math... 10 years at 500 a month average for rent... 50K?? or, live with me in my house. Pay the same as she was paying the apartment for rent, with NO BILLS. AND it helps me out with my mortgage and equity. -WIN

On top of that, she's 77 years old- and this has her in a home that she's safe at and it gives my family a piece of mind that she's got someone with her.
And it doesnt hurt that she loves to do laundry, clean, and cook. haha - :)

So thats whats going on in my living situation haha.

--Next update--
At the end of July, I signed up at LA fitness here in Pearland. Got a trainer and I have been working towards a healthier me since. I go in this week for my first Month's evaluation. Here's to hoping for results.

Now, why now you ask? --> This Thanksgiving I Emily B and my cousin Eilene M. will be embarking on a Mediterranean CRUISE!!!!

From Bari, Italy- and headed around to Croatia, Turkey, and Greece! - We will end up back in Venice and i can't wait.

So if I'm going all the way over there, I'm going to look good when I go!!

-School starts Tuesday for the kiddos, so I have one more work day to get my new classroom ready. That was a whole debacle (however you spell that) but its over and I have a new room.

so thats where my life is at the moment. I'm happy with it, content, and excited to my future.

-Hope this update isnt too lengthly, and enjoyable.

Emily-
ps. I still miss papa so much

March

Dearest Blog world...

Well, March has finally drawn to a close...

8 more weeks till school is out!!

Work is well... work...

Spring break was phenomenal! Costa Atlantica. FLL to St thomas, san juan, and nassau. Great fun. Met some cool people. Danced a ton!

Looking for a new house!! Hopefully will find one soon. One month before I need to tell my apt complex I'm moving out..

Ready for Easter weekend in MF. Sleeping in and good food = awesome.

-Better update should come soon--

Em

Sad

Dear Papa,

I thought about you so much today. Ended up bawling in the bath tub. I just miss you so much. I guess enough time has lapsed now to where I want to see you, hear your voice, and feel your big squeeze hug.

I hope I'm making you proud. I voted today, I think thats what has my mind on you. Remember you telling me that it was my civic duty to this country to vote. Well, I remembered... and I know you're happy.

Do you miss me as much as I miss you? In a way I hope so, but I hope you're happier than I am. I miss your reassurance that I'm a good person, and that I'm the best Emily Gene there is. I know I should just tell myself that, but its hard to hear it in your own head.

I've been writing Jackie almost every week. Might have missed 3 or so. But I still think thats good. Mom is doing a good job checking in with her. She seem's to be doing well, but I can tell she misses you a lot too..

Goodness PaPa, I miss you... I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just want to scream it loud enough for you to hear....

I dont know why this has come over me today... just a timing thing I guess..

I hope you're proud of me. I'm proud of myself which i can hear you in my mind saying "then thats me being proud of you too"- but it sounds so much better coming out of your mouth than the memory of your voice in my head.

I love you more than words.
Em

----------------

WHY do our emotions do this to us? Lay dorment for a while then in 1 day, BAM- they all come running out...

Sorry family, if this makes you sad too. I just needed to get it out.

Em

Here's my update

deleted

post-thanksgiving update

Eesh, where to begin.

Thanksgiving week has been a whirlwind... Started it off by going out dancing, followed by a relaxing day cleaning my apartment with Mom and looking for a new CAR!!! Well, got the ball rolling on a car and found one I liked, but needed a little while to get the financing available... Sunday Dad and I left for Lake Charles, where we lost our money, but had a great time. Monday night we had dinner at my Great Aunt\Uncle's house in LC - loved it!

Tuesday dad and I woke up early and came back to Texas, where... I GOT MY NEW CAR! I'm the proud owner of a 2010 Ford Fusion SEL - Sandstone Metallic with Camel colored leather interior. This car (for Ford) has awesome features and a nice V6 engine!

Had lunch with Dad and Shelley in Pearland then I headed up to Marble Falls to intercept mom and jackie. We enjoyed the day, however I (at this point) have picked up a horrendous cough\fever\ickyness... (as I was finishing up a Z pack too... bleh)

Thanksgiving was great minus the sickness, couldn't spoil the babies (JR and Hayden) with my love and goofy noises without a mask on.

**I almost went home today, but as I sit here listening to the TTU football game with Mom, Dad, Shelley, Steve, Jackie, Schultze, Tucker, Gretal, Radar, Bella, and myself I feel this strange warmth over us. All safe, all sound. Life is good. Something in the back of my mind says that PaPa has something to do with this....Its his comfort that I am feeling.. I'm glad I didn't go home today**

I still miss you PaPa

Emily Gene

Happy Thanksgiving

Greetings Blogger reader(s)!

I hope all is well in your world...

Where to begin....work is work.
Family is fantastic. I am truly BLESSED to have the parents I do, the siblings I do, and of course the WONDERFUL grand-mothers that I do.
We're still healing and missing PaPa Dale. I am a lot, as each day gets easier the random tears become less and less.

I'm looking to purchase my 1st car on my own!! 2010 Ford Fusion SEL Pictures will be posted if financing goes through along with availability. IM SUPER EXCITED!

I'm headed to Lake Charles tomorrow with my Dad for a mini-vacation! Very excited, then we'll head to Marble Falls for some of Jackie's good cookin! Hoping I can get in on the dressing secerets this year.

I love my family, they are my best friends, my confidants, my everything. 2009 has not been the happiest of years, but to look back on how much closer Mom, Dad, Shelley, Steve, Jackie, Martha, and I are to each other. I realize (on a day like today) that life is truly good. Not always easy or fun, but life is good.

Thanks PaPa - something tells me, you had a say in that realization for me. Miss you-

Emily Gene

Appalled and Disgusted

I have never in my life had to remove myself from a situation on terms of me breaking my own morals.

Today, that happened. An unfortunate incident while in Victoria mourning the loss of my grandfather.

Sometimes the cat does need to come out of the bag. I'm not going to do it on here, because A. That is not mature B. right now it is about support not degrading and C. I must respect people older than me.


But hear me... If one more straw gets pulled, I'm unleashing 2 years worth of anger and remorse towards those who deserve it. I'm packing up, and headed back to Houston. Even if I have to pay out the ass for a rental car.

This might be hard to read for some-- just a warning

PaPa Dale passed away last night, more details later... but today (Thursday oct 8 2009) I wrote him a letter and emailed it to his facebook. This is what it read.

Hey PaPa,
You fell asleep last night around 10:00, to embark on the happiest adventure yet.
I'm sad you're gone, but thrilled that you aren't hurting any more.
Thank you so much for giving me my Mom. You have left a great legacy of love support and care behind. Don't worry too much about Jackie, she can be my date to events. I'll hold her hand like you did, and help her up out of her chair like you did.
You were my most favorite teacher I've ever had in my life. Your words will live within my every being every day. I really listened and heard what you had to say and tried to take as many mental notes as possible.
So you know PaPa, your favorite song? "How Great Thou Art" well, today, I finally heard it too. The part I think you sang when you fell asleep.
When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation,And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,And then proclaim: "My God, how great Thou art!"
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,How great Thou art, How great Thou art.Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,How great Thou art, How great Thou art!
I hope its wonderful up there, haha- give your sisters a great big hugs, say hi to Ace, Clara, and Richard Sr.
I won't see you for some time, but do know that I will meet you there. Only after teaching the lessons you taught me to as many people as possible.
I love you with all my heart, I will miss you every day, but I will have comfort knowing you're watching over us.
I owe you a Coors light when I get up there.
Love always,Emily Gene

I'm not sure what to title this entry. Me being who I am, and my family knows me. I am going to have a very personal entry here. Please read with an open mind.

My life at the moment...

I feel alone. Yes, the alone does come into part with me being single, but then goes beyond that. In my family I am alone. 98% of family functions I sit alone or do chores to keep busy. Feel kind of like a chameleon (however you spell that). I blend into the surroundings to not be noticed, then overlooked.

This past year *2009* has been a roller coaster of emotion for my family. Lots of downs and a few ups. That being said, I find myself in the corner of most family events sitting alone contemplating where I'm at.

5 times out of 10 my family's conversations revolve around my sister and brother-in-laws adoption. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy they have the ball rolling on expanding their family. They're going to be great parents. But in line with the adoption comes Shelley looking for a new job, which she got, Steve doing really well at his work, and them becoming parents. I'm so happy for them and love them with all my heart.

the other 3 times out of 10 comes my PaPa's battle with lung cancer. A horrible disease that has caused nothing but stress in my family. PaPa is amazing because I don't think I've once heard him complain. Call me selfish, cause its what I am being. I know it. He's not going to be here forever, but why dwell on it? When PaPa pops into my thoughts during the day, the word Cancer doesn't pop up in my head. The word LOVE does. Thats the way it should be. I worry about my family only seeing him as a cancer patient. Not a loving family figure with lots of good hugs, stories, and smiles still left in him. Cause thats who he is.

The final 2 times out of 10 comes babies. I don't understand why this is a big deal to me, since children are so far down on my list of things to do in my life, but a part of my heart aches when I hear family talk about babies. Like I don't have anything fun and exciting to talk about so they move on to something else.

That leaves me. I'm apprehensive to discuss my real stresses of life because blogs are open to whoever wants to read them. Mostly in regards to my job. I absolutely LOVE my Principles, fellow Faculty\Staff members at my school. They are AMAZING. I mean wow! They leave me speechless every day. And thats all I have to say about my job.

It just seems that everything I am doing in my life right now, has already been done. There is no "spark". I don't feel I have the exciting life I had hoped coming out of college and starting my career. I feel like a light-bulb just about to go out. Still providing some light, but not lighting up a room as a person with the whole world at her doorstep should.

I'm still longing for companionship. A hopeless romantic at heart, the time I sit in my apartment I stare off into space wondering what life would be like to have someone by my side on rainy days like today. Someone who would want to spend this kind of down time with me, watching tv while I cleaned, hell someone to just sit around and have a beer with and shoot the sh*#. (That isn't someone in my family.)

That and also letting go of a comfort. I find myself stuck in a rut I don't want to get out of, but I know I need to. Something that I'm afraid to let go of, but I have no idea why. Almost like I'm holding onto a glimmer of hope that one day things could work out. Even if I agree that right now is not the right time. I don't know why I feel that way. I wish I didn't. Trust me, I've tried to get rid of it. BLEH

Call me selfish if you like. Like I said, I probably am. But I just wish even the little things that seem to happen in my life could compare to the things happening in other peoples lives. Even if theirs aren't the most positive things to have happening.

Please blog readers, don't be offended by this, and I honestly don't mind things to stay the way they are, but I would like to at least voice how I feel. Guess thats why I've put off updating this for so long.

Chapter 1- A successful failure

August 17, 2009-

Today marks the first official day for Tucker being alone. He got a visit from my sister this afternoon for a mid-day bathroom break. Aside from being so excited, he might have had a little accident when she went to put the leash on him. Regardless, he's successfully making the transition from house dog to apartment dog. Therefore, The dog that is afraid of being alone, might make it through this in some way shape or form.

Today I had my first inservice at my job. I can't remember the last time I tried to learn names so fast. Some teachers seem really cool, some are a little over the top, and some are pretty quiet. Either way, I'm happy to have my own place in a school. My school is neat because its actually quite old, then again its well kept.

Aside from that, I'm sitting on my couch in the exact same spot where I started this little adventure. Starting up the swing of school, I am unfortunately not working out as planned. That lasted for a whole, um. Day. Granted, it will probably be easier to find a rhythm during school. Thus that is a failure.

Not quite a full chapter, but yet an update will suffice.

Prolouge- The Dog That Hates Being Alone

A recent graduate from Texas Tech University, I am embarking on the chance of a lifetime. I'm self-sufficient, educated, employed, and 100% single. My life has been a wonderful rollercoaster, full of its ups and downs. My family is my life. I come from two lovely parents, (Dad=Dennis - Mom= Phyllis) who have fufilled their parental duties to raise 2 daughters, educate them, and give them the tools needed to "fly" at the right time. Speaking of that, I have an older sister-Shelley, she's about 2 years older than me, and is married to a wonderful man- Stephen.

Its Sunday evening, I'm sitting on the couch at my new apartment. It is a small one bedroom apartment near Houston TX. A queen size bed, comfortable enough for royalty! New couch and ottoman, kitchen table, and computer. I still have boxes left to unpack, mostly in the study. Pretty much everything else is taken care of.
Tucker is my 10 month old Dachshund, who weighs an impressive 7.6 pounds. He's sleeping by my side, curled up underneath my red blanket. Tucker hasn't quite adjusted to the move yet, his idea of fun here consists of following me around the apartment, howling when I leave, or scratching the front door until I come home. Almost like that when I leave, he'll never have a friend again. Odd, but we're working on it. I just think he hates being alone.
I am about to start my career as an Elementary Music Teacher. I am very excited about the upcoming year; however, I am nervous about the social life. Unlike most girls in the world I'm not your typical girl. I hide behind my family, my jokes, and my overall bubbly personality. Finding strength that I never knew I had to be happy with my life. It is typical for women\girls of a "plus size" stature to long for the Fairy Tale love story. Well, guess what, I am one of those girls.
Don't get me wrong, at 23 I have had the wonderful opportunity to meet some great men in my life. Heck, being a tuba player most of my closest friends are boys. I have toiled with the idea of an Emily overhaul for about a year now, and always wanting to write- this has to be my best idea yet.
As tomorrow starts a new week, I'm starting a new chapter into my adventurous adulthood. To work with Tucker on being alone, we will try a 20 minute window of alone time while I Emily, will be working out.

I got a job at Pomeroy Elementary in Pasadena ISD.

I've got an apartment.

Job Hunt Continues

Here are the places I've applied and the status' that I know of.

1. Deer Park ISD -Elementary Interviewed-> waiting for news
2. Pasadena ISD- Elem. Application Acitve
3. Angleton ISD- HS Application Active
4. Clear Creek ISD- HS Applied
5. Lamar Consolidated ISD- HS Applied
6. Galena Park ISD- Elem. Applied
7. Barbers Hill ISD-HS Applied
8. Pearland ISD- HS Applied
9. Texas City ISD- Elem. Applied
10. Alvin ISD- Elem Applied
11. Spring Branch ISD- HS Applied


whew- more to come I'm sure

Lost in the moment

Dearest Blog.

I'm sorry I have not been faithful. Life as I know it has been, well... different.

Glorious thing happens tomorrow. My 80 year old grandfather completes his 37-procedure proton radiation at MD Anderson. Not only is he practically symptom free, but he's happy. 1- he gets to go home and spend time, well... at home. 2- this has been an incredible learning experience for everyone, and if you know PaPa he's a damn good teacher. 3- this should yield excellent results for now.

Thursday my cousin Mikey and his wife Rachel, will welcome Baby Gaskamp into the world. I'll have a 2nd cousin, and my grandparents will get to see a GREAT-GRANDBABY! :)

Shelley and Steve are looking down the road to adoption. I'm very excited for them. Like Shelley says, its not what she had planned 2 years ago, but you just cant put all of your eggs in one basket. I can't wait to see baby Whistler running around.

My parents are wonderful. I can't imagine how strong they are throughout everything 2009 has brought us. Some days it seems harder on them than others. But they seem to make it through. I just have to keep reminding myself that arguments are a part of marriage too..

I guess that's about it. Oh yeah, I graduated from college. Yup, I actually finished my degree. However, with everything that seems to be going on lately- my time to shine is on the back burner. So I'm just applying to as many jobs as I can (8 so far) and will go from there.

I love my family. No doubt. I do. I owe them the world, and Thank God everyday for them.
They are outstanding.

Happy Easter

Greetings Blog world "aka family"

Today is Easter Sunday. My favorite Holiday. I don't know if its the baskets or just the happiness that Christ has Risen. Truly amazing day.

On top of that today is Shelley's 25th Birthday! Happy Birthday Shell.

Life is going right now. I'm almost finished with Student Teaching! That means Graduation! May 9th, 1:30pm Texas Tech United Spirit Arena will be the sight of a glorious occasion. I will walk across that stage, move my tassel, turn my College ring around and walk out with the world ahead of me. Geebus thats scary.

I have big aspirations for me. I've started looking for some apartments in the area, however its only tentative because I need to know where I'm working first. However I do miss the "carefree" life college was. Already... Oh well.

Granny Jackie and Papa Dale are living with me and the family right now. He's almost 1\2 way done with his Proton Radiation. He's a true trooper or his treatments are just the right strength. It took some adjusting but we're in a routine, so life is good.

Shelley and Steve are on the project to pregnancy or parenting. Check their blog for updates.

I'm turning 23 in 25 days... needless to say I'm a little paranoid when it comes to that whole marriage thing for me. Now that I'm working I feel as if I don't have any time for meeting people or mingling. Maybe thats why teachers stay single if they don't have someone once they start their career.

but thats a whole nother post.

Happy Easter everyone - love ya'll

SIGH

I need to write.

I'm a dumb-ass. No clue how I'm going to make it on my own. I just feel like for every step forward I make as an adult, I take 2 backwards...


Oh Well. Sorry about the expensive mistake mom.

February of 2009 can kiss my @$$

Hello my two readers.. :) haha maybe there is more, I'll try to be more positive.

The majority of my closest friends and family are aware of the shambles Feb. has been so I'm only going to write about other stuff.

I just completed my student teaching at Llano ISD. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined the saddness I had leaving that school. I'm going to miss those directors like I do my family when I would leave for school. My perception of secondary band directing has completely flip flopped. I could do that for quite some time, and be happy about it. I owe that band a metal for reminding me why I wanted to be a Music Educator in the first place.

I start teaching at Deer Park Elem. tomorrow. I'm also very excited about that. I've already had some teaching with these aged kids, so I'm anxious to see how Houston area schools do it compared to Lubbock schools.

With the above statement, I guess its understood that I have moved home. Thats right, after 5 years - I finally got to unpack. (or am getting to) - I never thought I'd say this, but I find comfort at this point of my life to be where I'm at. I know its not too glamorous being a single 22 year old woman living with Mom and Dad, but I wouldn't change it for the world. However my stay here will hopefully be short lived, that with comes a job, comes a new apt for me and Tucker. *my puppy* -

I can't wait for spring break. To spend time with my family, and get further away from February.

Love and updates will come!
Em

Bucket List that Shelley did

The idea is to highlight or change the color of the things on the list you've completed.

1. Started your own blog.
2. Slept under the stars. - I've been camping.
3. Played in a band.
4. Visited Hawaii. -
6. Given more than you can afford to charity.
7. Been to Disneyworld.
8. Climbed a mountain.
9. Held a praying mantis.
10. Sang a solo.
12. Visited Paris.
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch.
15. Adopted a child.
16. Had food poisoning.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty.
18. Grown your own vegetables. - back in Sagemont we did
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France.
20. Slept in an overnight train.
21. Had a pillow fight.
22. Hitchhiked.
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill.
24. Built a snow fort.

25. Held a lamb. --- I ate one once- don't worry it was cooked
26. Gone skinny dipping.
27. Run a marathon.
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice.
29. Seen a total eclipse.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.
31. Hit a home run.
32. Been on a cruise.
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person.
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors.
35. Seen an Amish community.
36. Taught yourself a new language.
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied.
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person.
39. Gone rock climbing.
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David.
41. Sung karaoke. .
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt.
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant.
44. Visited Africa.
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.
46. Been transported in an ambulance.
47. Had your portrait painted.
48. Gone deep sea fishing.
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person.
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling.
52. Kissed in the rain.
53. Played in the mud.
55. Been in a movie.
56. Visited the Great Wall of China.
57. Started a business.
58. Taken a martial arts class.
59. Visited Russia.
60. Served at a soup kitchen.
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies.
62. Gone whale watching.
63. Got flowers for no reason.
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp.
67. Bounced a check.
68. Flown in a helicopter.
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy.
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial.
71. Eaten caviar.
72. Pieced a quilt- am currently!.
73. Stood in Times Square.
74. Toured the Everglades.
75. Been fired from a job.
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London.
77. Broken a bone.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle.

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person.

80. Published a book.
81. Visited the Vatican.
82. Bought a brand new car.
83. Walked in Jerusalem.
84. Had your picture in the newspaper.
85. Read the entire Bible.
86. Visited the White House.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.- fishing
88. Had chicken pox. -
89. Saved someone’s life.
90. Sat on a jury.
91. Met someone famous.- Clyde "The GLIDE" Drexler :)
92. Joined a book club.
93. Lost a loved one. .
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person.
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a lawsuit.
98. Owned a cell phone.
99. Been stung by a bee.
100. Read an entire book in one day.

Happy New Year!

Greetings blog world. Happy 2009.

Well i'm about to adventure into the world of teaching within the next week and might be a little scared, but I'm ready to get it over with.

We're recently back on land from the Voyager of the Seas and had a wonderful time. I had an absolute blast! My friend Shannon came with me and we embraced single life and truly enjoyed ourselves.

I will be student teaching in the Marble Falls area for the first half of the semester and here in the Houston area for the second half.

We're planning on a super family vacation spring break on the Carnival Victory. Eager doesn't even begin to explain how much I'm looking forward to that!

All is well!
- Em

What a shocking day...

Dear ----,
I got some interesting news about you today. When FAP called me to tell me what had been going on, I was broadsided. My heart sank in my chest, vomit crept up my throat, and tears welled up in my eyes... Its like a part of me died with that one conversation. Granted I know we don't see each other more than once a year, and that you are in fact 18 years old, but deep down I do see you as "little ----". Want to know why? Today, as I forced myself to go up to school to keep from breaking down, I thought about our lives together, and guess what... As much as I'd like to admit it, but the day you were born is (to my best knowledge) the first day I can remember my life... Shelby was hiding under my parent's bed, and (your sister) was over playing in the back yard with Shelley and I... I remember when your Mom and Dad brought you home to your house...
And to hear of you making monumental bad choices in your young adult life, breaks my heart. I never saw this coming.... I never once imagined you would get sucked into that crowd...
You had (hopefully still have) everything! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?! WHY!! Your parents love you to death, my parents love you to death, your sister adores you, shelley and I adore you.... Do you have any idea what would happen to us if something happened to you? Do you even care about how that would make us feel? Damnit ---- you're better than that!!!!! I know there is nothing anyone can do to change what has happened in the past.. but Dear God I will spend every prayer I have, begging God to send some guidance for you... ITS NOT WORTH IT... NONE OF IT IS.

I pray that God touches you soon, scoops you up in his arms and slaps the shit out of you... learn from this, or else you'll never grow up and out of it....

That lifestyle you've been living, ----, is a one way ticket on the fastest train to nowhere.



My grandfather would give his left arm for a body to work as good as yours does.. even if it means just being able to walk around wal-mart... and here you are, killing yours? I don't get how ANY high could be worth that much... and maybe it is cause you're 18 that you don't see it...

Talk to God, Talk to your parents, and get new friends.
I love you, and hope the best
Emily

Guess I should update this thing

Here are some pictures from the TTU vs. UT game.. no i didnt go, but i have a lot of friends that did.




















Also, above is Mr. Anderson dressed up as Jack Sparrow - the band did pirates of the caribbean show.


Some exciting news. One of my old work friends doxie had puppies, and is giving them away! I'm getting one! a boy, he's black.. I'll post his picture.












Well its November of my last semester here at Tech. Senioritis doesn't begin to explain how I feel. School is going well, classes are easy. The house is good, I'm fairly healthy. The headache has subsided mostly, occasionally a few bad days, but all in all improving. I've been taking multi-vitamins per the endocrinologist's suggestion.

I would say that I'm having a ball these last few weeks of school. I really wish I could, but I really have found myself sad up here. I'm really tired of the people here. Mostly the school of music. Its like I'm in a different place than everyone else... I just want to be out of here...

I have my student teaching partially squared away. The first half of the spring, I will be student teaching at Llano High school. Living in Marble falls. I'm really looking forward to that. Still waiting on my Elementary placement, which should happen within this week I hope.

Headache update

Well, this morning in the sorry excuse of a Tropical storm, mom and I went to a neurologist here in town to see if I could get some relief.
The Doctor didn't seem too concerned with the pain I've been having but like everyone I've seen 3weeks is too long for a headache.
Turns out when all of this started chances are that my Great occipital nerve running from the base of my neck up through my scalp has gotten irritated causing the "between the skull and scalp" headache. Luckily the doctor had 2 fixes (would be three but ive already tried narcotics). 1st would be two injections to the base of the nerve of steroids and a numbing agent. 2nd would be a six day dose of oral steroids. So I took the injections there in the office, and I will wait a few days to see if I get some relief. BTW... scalp injections hurt BAD...
Now instead of my whole head hurting like it has, my pain is coming from the injection sites... Not sure if thats good or bad? So i'll update in a few days if this stuff works.. (i hope)


schools good, works good, parents are good- other than that my life is pretty swell... im just anxious to see if my 3 week headache is finally gone...

-em

update

Well today is day 15.... yup. 15....
no relief in fact, i think my head it getting worse...

I went to my dr. she seemed clueless but did tell me my scalp was really tense...
so I went and had a CT scan done today... it came back clean... which is great news..
but now.. why the headache? she told me to go see a Neurologist... so I go tuesday.. unfortunately.. I still don't have any relief from the pain...

I'll pay someone a nickel if they'll run over my head?

10 days

So today marks day 10 of my headache. It's not really a headache, more of my head just hurts. Right across the crown of my head. I've tried everything I can imagine to get rid of it. Tylenol, Tylenol sinus, claritin, sudafed, aleve, zyrtec, vicodin, and my moms super duper headache pills... no relief. I'm going to my primary care Doctor tomorrow afternoon to see what she thinks.... grrrrr.....

I'm in full swing at Alivn Community College taking US history 1301. Considering I'm one of the oldest people in my class and my professor is ancient I think I'll do okay. Along with class 8-10:15am I head over to FW Gartner where I'm working as a "fill-in" secretary for our family friend's business. Therefore my life is pretty much consumed up with school and work.

I'm glad to spend time home, but with my head issues its not so enjoyable. My parents, Shelley, and Steve have been my network here. I enjoy spending time with them these days, learning how to be an adult by their example.

The bonus to not feeling so well and working all the time is that I'm staying out of trouble. Minus the fact that some social life would be nice from time to time, but I just dont feel up to it lately.... so we'll see what the doctor says.


I had an MRI done on my "back hump" friday morning, seeing if it is a Lipoma (benign removeable tumor) or just in fact a place where my body stores fat. I should know something later this week into next week...

This past friday I went with Mom and dad down to Victoria to see Granny Jackie and PaPa Dale, their house looked great and of course I enjoyed spending time with them. Saturday we headed to Shiner where we stayed at our favorite Bed and Breakfast (Kaspar House) and attended the Boedeker\Jahnsen family reunion today and got back an hour or so ago. It was great to see Granny Martha, Dad, Susie, and Aunt Neese spending time reminiscing with family. I love my family, both sides... I guess after the year we've had, I'm really trying to take full advantage of each moment I have with them...

Thats all for now. Till I write again...

Emily

A Sad Day

I know not many people read this, and most of the time I'm rambling about the ups and downs of my life.

This morning, I got news that a friend of the family, Joe Miller, passed away. He was fighting stage 4 lung cancer with cancerous lesions on his liver. Joe was an active band parent throughout mine and my sister's HS career. His daughter Elizabeth was Shelley's college dorm room-mate.

I'm happy that Joe doesn't hurt anymore, I'm glad that he is at peace. I am however, sad for Joanne (his wife), Elizabethe, and Andrew (his son). I hope the best for them in this really hard time in their lives. I can't imagine what I would do if I was in there shoes. I pray to God that I won't have to find that out.

On a somewhat funny note, I'm actually considering grad school, just considering. Med school maybe... something that would let me help out with someone in need. It might be in Music Therapy, who knows. I just know, that within the past year cancer has shown up more and more frequently with relatives and friends, and I'm not liking it. So maybe I can find a way for me to help... We'll see..

So if you are one of the people who read this blog of mine, please keep the Miller family in your thoughts.

-Emily Gene

just kidding

everyone has flaws... im seeing more and more every day
in myself and in others...

grades- spring 2008

3.4 gpa this semester!! :-) my best yet!! so excited!

much needed update

Hello there again, trusty blog...

The semester is finally winding down, and I can't be more excited.... I'm honored to say that I had my last class registration this past week and only have 11 required hours for the fall, and 6 this summer... however in order to maintain my "full time student" status, i had to add on one more hour so that will make my fall 12 hrs! :) my lightest load yet.. all that and the 6 hours for student teaching in the spring...

so speaking of school.. its stupid- im tired of doing all the work, and not really feeling like im getting a whole bunch out of it.. but the adult in me is saying just do what you're told and get it done...so thats my goal for the rest of my time here at tech...

i'm still enjoying the nightlife of fancy ol' Lubbock Tx... more so I'm trying my best to take advantage of $1 pint nights and $.75 well nights... haha

spring break was a blast with the family...however i find myself turning into more of an old hag... going to bed at 11 sounded more fun than hanging out with all the belligerent minors in the club... i know i have no room to talk because I was once one of them...but looking back on it, i was dumb...

thats pretty much it for now... school is priority one- ill worry about everything else later... haha

much love!
Em

Thursday's post- TMEA

So as the ones close to me know (or used to be close) last year Feb. 13-17th brought a new meaning to the term "coming clean".
After that "fateful" trip, I was asked to a local coffee shop by a dear dear friend, and proceeded to have an in depth conversation about personality traits, friendship traits, and even relationship traits. In this conversation a lot of things both good and bad were brought to my attention. However, the repercussions of that infamous Thursday Feb. 22, have really seem to take its toll on me. This past Thursday being the 1 year anniversary.

Why I bring up this moment of my life? Well, for the the most recent times of my social life now I have been blessed with some amazing people. Unfortunately I suppose this time of year for the friends I care about most, seem to kinda leave me in the blue.

So alas, its now the 2nd year in a row, where I have been broadsided with a change in my best guy friend on the Thursday after TMEA.

I wouldn't change a thing about the times I spent with 2007 friend. They are some of the happiest memories in my life. But sometimes the pain of the impact doesn't show up until long after the wreck.

I just wish I could have had one more memory, one more laugh, one last dance, and one last hug.


*a very very very scarred emily*

foot

just severely bruised,
thank god
still hurts like a bitch

Update

Here is an update. sorry about the delay, life has just been really really crazy...

PaPa had his surgery on Dec. 27th, and he's cancer free as of now! We've had a speed bump these past few weeks with a Small bowel obstruction, but he's back home now and on the slow road to recovery.

I'm back up in Lubbock and am in the middle of my hardest two weeks of the semester, compliments of the hearing for my Jr. Recital coming up. I'll definitely post once I get that over with! If all goes to plan, my Junior Recital will be March 2.

Other than that, classes are going fairly well, tired of them, but I just gotta get through.

On a side note, I have done a number on my foot this past weekend in a series of bad timing... so I'm going to the Dr. tomorrow in hopes that nothing is broken\chipped\or torn. but alas the swelling DOES look kinda cool...

anywho, more of an update to come later on!

Em

One semester down 2 to go

Well, I am rounding out yet another Roller Coaster of a semester. I swear, life is hard!

I've come to the realization that school is WAAAYYYY long... and by school i mean college life of a music major. I never thought about it but I have chosen a degree that is ridiculously hard.. oh well, i'm almost done!

December has brought me days closer to home. I can't wait.

Even better news, PaPa's surgery will be Dec. 27th. That will be a large sigh for the whole family.

I'm content with my life as of now, of course I'm dreading tomorrow evening's test in Poly Sci. My life depends on it!! Just have to make a 72. and by the looks of the review that should be fairly easy... Lets just keep our fingers crossed. Hell if the studying is going this good now I might be pulling an even higher grade than expected. So here's to hoping.. nevertheless. Being at home in my bed with kitty will be the ultimate relaxation for me...

alas, dinner time w\ sarah, then back to studying... im a nerd


love

A new kind of pain

I would like to say that it the midst of the chaos of my life, that I am more than experienced in the stress department. Which in some cases this is true, nothing has prepared me for these past few weeks.

A new kind of pain has been introduced to me. I know it can't amount to the pain a mother feels when a child is hurt or when the dad says goodbye after walking his daughter down the aisle.
But the pain of time.

Sleep hasn't come so easily to me these past weeks. Resulting tired eyes and raging emotional exhaustion. Sore eyes from the tears shed, having everything set me off just doesn't help.
The back. I never quite knew what the back "Stress" was until now. Its those 5 knots right between your shoulder blades along your spine, and the only thing to help is a back rub.
Irritable bowels. No, not the syndrome, but just an over all upset stomach 24-7. For those of you who know me, know that this part of my day (bathroom time) is very important, and if its thrown out of whack, I'm out of whack.

And last, my heart and brain. I've been frantically writing down everything I can remember about my childhood. Memories of everyone. Just cause now I realize that I need to let everyone know (family and friends) just how much they mean to me.

PaPa is a candidate for the lobectomy. While this is a delicate procedure, it is the best option for him. I've been thanking God every minute for that too.
We're waiting on test results over some biopsies of the tumor. to get the final go ahead. If we have an option, Nov. 19-20th will be the surgery.
This would mean, after my dad's awesome 50th birthday bash, I would stay home with my family to be by PaPa's bedside when he wakes up. And spend the whole week down in Victoria as opposed to the half a week planned back in Sept.

Thanks for everyone who has kept my family in their prayers, they are really helping out a lot. More to be updated as the week goes on.

For more in depth updates of the medical aspect check this out- thats my mom's site she made to inform the family of the dr.'s visits.

Much love and God Bless-
Emily

PaPa Dale

Just got one of those calls...
"Emily get a box of tissues and sit down"- "Pa Pa Dale has lung cancer..."
I wail....

Mom just called me. Pa Pa Dale was diagnosed today...

I'm so pissed off right now. Stupid STUPID FUCKING DISEASE..

I know he smoked for a long time... I know bad lungs run in his family...
But Jesus. Why him. Why not the people who smoke mary jane and shoot up heroine!

I was one of the lucky ones... PaPa is in a pickle. The tumor is between a rock and a hard place... more tests this week to find out if they can remove it. I pray to God that they can. I'm so mad

I'm thinking about going to med school now after this... or something... I can't take it anymore. Sitting here while people I know have known or even myself are being affected by cancer.

Dear God,
Please give PaPa the strength he needs to keep ahead of his illness. Be with Jackie and my mom so they can support him through this. And Please be with the doctors while they run these tests that they can fix the problem quickly and easily.

Amen

Fall 2007

So yet, another update.

I'm back home in Pearland right now. Mom is asleep in her bedroom, dad's lightly snoring on the couch. I'm watching the yummy looking pot roast simmering on a bed of what is to be the best gravy in the world.

Dad ran a 10 mile today. I don't know how he does it. But either way, its fun to see him happy and enjoying himself. He's quite the man.

I like these trips home. Long enough to feel rested, but short enough that I don't get tired of it. I didn't tell Tamara I was in town and surprised her Friday night. That girl is quite the support system. I'm kind of bummed she wont be going on the Spring Break Cruise with me, but either way, doesn't matter. I might get to have her hop along with us in Dec. if we decide to go on one then.

I just sat here a while ago and read through some of my old entries. Its amazing how much my life entails. Going back and reading an article from March 22nd 2007. So stressed over boys in the entry... yet not knowing that the night after that I would be under the knife, undergoing a surgery that saved my life from a lot of stress (the cancer). AMAZING. Just like that, my entire life changed. ...

Speaking of change... homegirl is still having some issues. I'm really trying my best to make those small adjustments. BUT ITS HARD.... soo hard that I want to give up already. and its just going on 2 weeks now... but I knew this would happen. I dunno, life is just hard. REALLY FREAKIN hard.
Granted its harder when you feel like you can't do anything right.. cause thats' def. how I feel lately. Like every step forward I take feels like 8 steps back in the eyes of my parents. But thats just a perception thing at this point I think.

I wish my life was easy. That I did what I have to do to be successful and thats it. But thats not Emily.
I don't really know what success is in my eyes at this point. I know 100% for sure of what my parent's ideas of success are. But I'm finding out that, which their's is good. It's not me. My biggest struggle I think in life at this point, is knowing what I want. Not going out of my way to make people happy even if it is my parents. I know that making straight A's and having $1000 in my checking account and no credit card debt would be ideal for them. But at this point I don't feel that me getting there would be for me. It would be to make them happy. I want them to be proud. (insert everyone including mom saying "emily, we are proud of you, we just want you to make better decisions")
This is where I'm torn. Better decisions to you, (which are understandable) aren't necessarily better decisions for me. I know credit card debt and over drafting aren't good for anyone. But when it comes to that extra hour out at starbucks the night before a test, I dont see that as a "dumb decision", I see that as an opportunity. the chance to work on my balance of social, studying, and even academic success.

To my family both immediate and distant:

I know I'm 21, and mistakes should be done being made. But they aren't for me.
I promise you I will fall, I promise you that I will slap myself in the head for not saving that one dollar, I promise you that I might not get it right the first, second, third, fourth, or maybe even fifth time...

But I do promise that I will get back up after I fall, I will realize that slapping my self on the head will hurt after a while, and maybe that sixth time, I'll actually get it right.

I might not grow up into the mature adult as fast as some would like. But maybe the people who have done so before me (cough cough my sister) were the ones who did it early. Ever think about that? "Shelley and I didn't have this conversation when she was 21", whose to say that she didn't figure it out early? When in fact a lot of people don't figure adulthood out until they're 30.

I'm very lost at this point. Not sure if I should do what I want to, and go down the path that I feel could lead to success. Or stick on the path my parents have delicately mapped out for me, out of love, experience, understanding, and patience.

HELP

-much love to my Mother, Father, Sister, Brother-in-law, family, and friends-
I love you guys

Post No. 70 - and quite the update

Hello Readers of my blog.

Sorry about the delay. Life has been too fast lately.

This semester has really flown by. Very excited to say, that I am really doing well with life.
Had a couple speed bumps in life in general with me figuring out that hey, i'm 21... need to grow up now.

So I have chosen to take advantage of the TTU Student Counseling Services to get my life on track. Yeah "some people will just think you're crazy" (compliments of shelley about 13 years ago). but mostly today I have seen the outcomes and benefits of it. AMAZING

Money is finally getting saved and put to better use. Minus my employer writing hot checks for pay checks.. thats a story I rather not go over to save me from smashing in the computer (im here at work)

School- I can honestly say, IM SICK AND TIRED OF THIS CRAP!!!!!
GRADUATION CANT COME SOON ENOUGH.
IM SICK OF 100000HRS OF WORK AND NO CREDIT!!!

ok, im off that soap box

*anxious to see where life takes me these next few months. Something tells me im on a new road that I've never been down before and i like it *


for those of you who read this guess what i finally came to!
boys are lame- i love em' but i hate em'.
so im taking applications for "im not an asshole" men.. please send them my way- must like to dance and have a good time


jk jk
but still


anywho that is all - hope all is well where ever you are..

love!

My word

Friday night, 1am, I'm sitting in my cluttered living room surrounded by price tags, lists, homework, candles just blown out and the sound of the tv in my bedroom murmuring in the back.

I'm in the 2nd week of school now. Not too bad school wise. But I wish I could say that for other aspects of my life.

Depressed doesn't begin to describe how I've felt this week. Utter LOST, wandering, and sheer confusion.

I just read my mom's most recent blog. Turns out that I still have yet to make the transition into adulthood. Tonight while i was talking w\ mom after work I realize that I just have to get passed this brick wall. I'm at the breaking point with life. ITS SO FREAKING HARD.

So I have a date with me myself and I tomorrow, to clean and detox. Get my ducks in the row.

Prayers will be much needed- and I'll try to keep you posted blog.

Em-Bizzle

Stress

WHY. Why doesn't begin to describe how I've been feeling lately. I'm sick and tired of guys. I'm sick and tired of being ran over\used and ignored by guys who I think are great. It's lame... Why must I fall for their stupid games or quirks.... I promised myself I wouldn't get caught up in boys for a while getting over Dave, but yet I find myself right where I started. Not with him to say the least. but with this other one. Justin...

Justin is quite an amazing guy, best two stepper I've danced with, and that's saying a lot cause I've two stepped a day or two in my lifetime. However. He's just like the others. Doesn't call, Doesn't leave a message, and doesn't even seem phased by the fact that he and I were on such a close level.

Needless to say, he's still a great friend. As is Dave. But somehow I find myself ending up single for the majority of my life.

Big girls dont cry right? Wrong. I sit here at work, tears welling up in my eyes- Fear of loneliness. Fear of remaining attached to my parents. Fear of not being able to experience the love that they have or even Shelley and Stephen. I just feel like I'm missing out on one of God's greatest gifts... Love.
I'm full of it.. it being love, not shit! haha jk
My heart is overflowing, wanting somewhere to give it. I want to cook amazing meals, clean a house, do laundry, go to work. Make love all night long, wake up to brush my teeth next to a man that adores me for my nerdy-ness, goofball-ness, and even my curves.

Fantasy world I guess.

Here's to the single life. I need a drink.

Update on my life

Hello Blog, that i rarely write in. I am at work and under the circumstances of waiting for tonight to begin once I get off work.

School starts on Monday for me. I don't know if I'm excited about it or anxious, or even dreading it at this point. I'm taking considerably less hours this semester and am very glad for it too.

Still working at Pinocchio's pizza, some days its great, some days its horrible. Stupid people give me hell. But I must say i enjoy the time I have here with my coworkers. Sanity it is of me and three 50 plus women who pretty much keep me, well.. me. Sometimes I just need this. Words cant really explain these women. But they are my support group

Life is going... I'm just trying to keep up!

hilarious!

A 'C,' an E-flat, and a 'G' go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry,but we don't serve minors." So the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

A 'D' comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying,"Excuse me. I'll just be a second." Then an A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not A minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says, "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au naturale.

Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda.

Summer update

Hello blog world.

Sorry it has been so long...

Lets see, I officially have a brother-in-law now, and a neice haha, jk, well its their new puppy! Bella. shes a cutie, but doesnt replace my gretal :-)

I found out that the appendectomy yielded cancer, but its gone. so woo! im a survivor!

I just got back from Las Vegas with my best friend.. WOAH, that was a blast. No I'm not married and no i had no enollments (however u spell it). I do however have a much larger appreciation for tennish shoes and older men. HAHA

anyways, that is all

emily

Let it Go

Dear Blog.
Well, its after easter. I'm sitting here at my computer at work. A lot has happened in my life these past few weeks. On the 23rd of March I went to the ER, guess who had appendicitis and pneumonia. So promptly @ 9:00pm I got wheeled back to Emergency Surgery. My wonderful roommate stayed by my side all night. Along w\ two important friends of mine stayed w\ me till midnight. Mom flew up Saturday morning to help with my post-op recovery.
I hung low all week and still made the trip down to Austin for the southwest regional conference for Tuba and Euphonium @ UT. Which I felt up to, minus the pharmacy I took with me. Well, got back Sunday, and slept in Monday morning till Noon. (whoops), went to my Music for Children class and then later that night at work, i went down. QUICKLY. Heavy\Rapid breathing, hurting, feverish (95.0 degrees????!?!?) so i went to the doctor Tuesday morning. yeah, was there all day. Lung scans, X-rays, blood work, and urine samples. So five doctors later, 9 hrs later, and 3 hospitals later, they say I'm fine. WTF? So this past weekend I went home (to Marble Falls) and just took it easy.

Now I'm back at work and anxious to finish up the rest of the school year. Health is still a little shaky but improving.

Things with Mr. Used to be Perfect are finally winding down to a close. A harsh reality, that love is blind. Blind to all the quirks you can find in a person. And a person telling me all the things that annoy them about me isn't something I wanna find in a potential boyfriend.

Needless to say, to one to closed to another opened. And everything seems a lot simpler now. I'll keep my fingers crossed that it lasts for a while.

I bid you adieu blog, until another boring night at work, or something else goes awry.

hard

I wish I could say that I'm doing great back up here at school....however, school is great work is hard and long.. i realized today that I'm taking 18 hrs of school while working for 20. geebus, imagine that... me working as much as possible.

so whats not so great you ask?
me. i know at this point mom is saying, take some more paxil... its like the answer to my life is medicine... i know it helps, but it doesnt solve anything, it just covers it. at this point, ive done all i can do with what has been bothering me now for over a year. im not suer if i should call it a waste of time... or a milestone. now im taking a "mondernisitic" idea to my life and asking "Why not" or "how come?"

i wish i had answers. answers to questions im not even sure of.



spring break was a ton of fun... we danced, sang, hugged, stumbled, drank, and saw wonderful places... i just wish i could get over it


i wish i could get over holding his hand, laying in the hammock, playing halo to the wee hours of the morning, i wish i could get over the dances, i wish i wasnt so selfish. i wish i could turn back the clock that got me here today. why did it get so complicated? why did i have to find out the truth... why did i have to open my mouth? cause quite frankly, im sick of feeling like walking on egg shells.. i dont know what else to do
, and i know thats wwhats right to do right now... nothing

but i cant let go
ive tried
i cant

F*$%

I'm too excited to sleep.....

Hey there blog. Well, its 3:08am and I can't sleep. I know this is TMI, but its from a little person I'd like to call, Aunt Flow. She throws off my sleeping habits. But this is good. Because I've got a lot on my mind and I'm finding some good time to get it all straight.

I'm really excited about the cruise. Like beyond all comprehension. I do not believe I've been this excited in a long LONG time. I have so many high expectations, not of a magnificant ship and crew. But just truly enjoying time with my friends and family. One week. Thats all. Wow this semester has gone by quick. I'm not complaining, but damn. Whew, that was fast.


In case ya'll haven't had an update, my Grandfather has been in and out of the hospital these past few weeks. No worries, he's home and on the mend. But he had a bad case of Pnemonia. (however u spell it). Mom (once again) has been going above and beyond her daughterly duties and has been a tremendous help to Papa and Granny Jackie.

So nevertheless, I;'m going to attempt to go to bed again. CANT WAIT!

Em

March Update

spring break is almost here
ill update more later LOL

a gamble

sometimes you have to just go for it... take a chance, not that you win, just that you dont loose. although you might loose some hands, a good one is just around the corner.

everyone just pray for me. please and thank you.

em

Ode to wonderful

Ladies and Gentlemen, let me introduce you to K.A.

Why you ask I have an ode to KA? Well, lets just say, you don't know wonderful until you meet this woman.

Words can't describe how truly talented this girl is. She might be a little short, but she's taller than I'll ever be. She has a beautiful heart, to go along with one of the most musical voices I've ever heard sung in my life. She's a great act on stage, and even as breathtaking as this picture.

She's going through a hard time right now, and its now that I realize just how amazing she is. She has always done all she can for how busy she is, maintained composure and has even held me up when I needed someone to listen.

Just thought the world should know how wonderful KA is. Because shes quite the person.

love ya girl,
em

Dr. Smith

Dr. Smith.

This man has to be one of the most intelligent people in the world. Today was the start of Spring semester 2007, and once again. I have him for music history. Unfortunatly this is me retaking his class, due to grades. Oddly enough, im thrilled. Today when I walked into the classroom, I was excited... Getting ot hear him lecture and be so knowledgable is refreshing to me. Regardless of me gushing over him in here. Even if all he knows about me is my name, and the few meetings we have had regarding grades. He has influenced my life in so many ways. Most recently with my diagnosis of Generalized Anxiety Disorder with Compulsive Features. Yeah, I know it sounds odd..but I went in for some testing and thats my results... If it wasn't for his recommendation, I'd still be stressing over helpless stuff. Good news is I have officially been on my medication for a week now and have seen drastic results. Not just in my thought processes, but life in general. I'm barely eating anything... something tells me that was all stress related....i have a the "whatever" kind of attitude, and life is just as simple as you make it. Get your shit done. thats the name of the game. the game maeaning life. maybe teach a few people along the way.

ok, i'm off my soapbox.

Well, i'm going to go hang around the house..one more class tonight. My favorite one...tuba\euph....
I love those boys... they're simply amazing.

em

LMAO

Lets just call this...the upper hand :)

Things are looking so far up I can barely believe it.

Life is good.

And there isnt anything to mess it up.

Here's to the new year

Study Abroad

Hmmm... lets see...

I've been sitting at my computer almost none stop since 8 oclock...you know what that means? I've been thinking. I've just started my research on studying abroad...oh my wheels are turning. Not my action wheels, but my imagination wheels... oh what it would be like to pack up and move to Italy for a month...take a class, and just live...see a Tuscany sunset, and even pick up some European accent...haha I wish...not on going, but the accent part.

I've asked my parents several times on traveling abroad, they've vetoed it most of the time... I know I have to get my GPA up in order to get scholarhsips and what not... but what an experience...
I sit here at the kitchen table, and wonder if its not my imagination...but what if it is me just wanting to run away... running away from what I dont know.... things are wonderful here...I couldn't ask for more...
But thats something Iwant to do... for me...not beacuse thats what my friends are doing.. i want to go to learn from beyond a Texas University, but a Global difference... even if its an italian music class...you know?

maybe im so far over my head with this idea.,... but who knows...i'll keep ya'll updated.

em

New

Well, most of you know, that after Christmas night, I came home slightly inebriated, (understatement), and I accidentally spilled a smirnoff on my computer. although it did not hit my spacebar, my spacebar stopped working...

so now im on a wireless keyboard and new mouse that we found for cheap at office depot... It is quite nice because I can get back on a regular keyboard. Im not going to lie, typing on a regular keyboard to a lap top is quite goofy but thats just me... goofy.

that is all.


emily

Inspired

Writing, after a breif conversation with my mother today. One of many of this time off from school, I find myself getting back into it. Yes back into it. Earlier this semseter I started writing my first novel. While I left it in Lubbock I'm not afraid to pick up here where I left off, or even then, just start a new one. Not sure what itll be about, but who knows.

City of Angels

This movie, has become one of my favorites. It's well scripted and casted. I love Meg Ryan, not only is she beautiful but she is very talented and smart. Nicholas Cage is such a great actor. I see his face in this movie, and he's so in character, and even believable to be an angel. Makes me wonder if we all have angels out there, longing to make us happy, but knowing that they can't interfere with free will, they must step back. What if angels are all around us just there. Waiting for us.

Things have been looking up these past few days, me just accepting things the way they are and not putting my happiness in other people's hands. I realize things have not ended up the way I've wanted them to, but that doesn't mean that they wont.

I have been hanging with Shannon Price these past few days, and I find myself DYING for the spring break cruise. That's going to rock hardcore! I mean woah.

Anyways, off to go get ready for a nice dinner at Bonnies.

-emily

Lost

Pearland. Good ol' Pearland. Most people spend their whole lives trying to get out of it. This past week, I have been longing for it. Now I'm here. Thats right folks, I'm here.

So why "lost" you ask? Well thast just it. I don't know why. As the end of my semester wound up, I find my grades better than ever, and to be coming in quite smoothly. Then again, when one thing goes right in my life, of course something else is required to get a quirk. Whelp. BINGO, there we go, my quirk.

After a semester of struggling with some stuff going on in my head, I finally got everything out in the open. Which should have made me feel better, right? Well, the jury is still out on that one.
Today has been my best day, but we'll see how this progresses after the break. Everything in that aspect is on hold right now, might be indefinitly but I need it.

That doesn't really explained my lost title yet, but maybe I can get there.

Thats just it in fact. I'm not sure what I'm lost about. I have been told by several of friends that I have "help everyone" issues. This is really difficult for me to hear, because I never listen. This takes me back to November, I went and got some learning disability testing done and just got my results back. I have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder with Compulsive Features.
So yeah. Woot, the source to most of my issues. WOOT

well im out
more updates throughout the break

At work

Hey there blog world...

Well I'm at work right now. It's kind of a slow night. Guess what I have great news... I'm done with Finals!! But I still have my Music History paper re-write due on wednesday, thast going to be brutal.

As I've been sitting here staring at the computer now for 2 1\2 hours, half way through my shift. And something shocking and scary has come to my attention. I think my motor skills are fading. I know this sounds weird, but lately I have found my self, making silly mistakes in my every day activities, such as.. starting to brush my teeth w\out putting toothpaste on the brush.... getting out of the shower w\out rinsing out my hair.. forgetting how to spell my own name. stopping mid sentences because i blank out... its really bad when im on the phone. i dunno. im kinda worried but it could just be the stress of school and everything...

to the end of my rope that i have been on the past few days. F you.

that felt good


im home in pearland t-minus one week and a day. sadly im booking it there ASAP. something about me just longs to be there w\ my friends from back home. BIG TIME. Like Shannon, F and P, Steve M, and even Tamara's family. Even if shes not there. I miss them. I think I'll give them a call tomorrow.

Anyways, back to boredom.

out

didnt mean to

I didnt mean to make you cry, I meant for you to realize that like me, you cant give that much out without taking time to yourself. I know Im the worst person for doing this too, but you know that I love you. You're a great Mom, wonderful friend, and even better wedding planner.

As for wedding stuff. you shouldnt have to take stuff back if she changes her mind. make her do it. and until she does, she cant will have to count the money that went into that as gone. out of the budget. u shouldnt have to work extra hard because she didnt "re-approve". once should be enough

keep up the good work. ure helping me a lot today and last night. THANK YOU

-----------------

to everyone else.
I'm struggling a lot right now with my "path" i guess you can call it, somehow, within a day, im starting to find it.

ps.my dad is great too

What is really important?

What is importance? Is it our minds tricking our lives into thinking that there should be order?
Someone who I care deeply about told me some awakening news this week.

"Emily, When have you ever done something because you wanted to do it. Not because your friends wanted to. Find out what you want from life, and don't waiver from that."

I do know whats most important to me...sad thing is, my priorities arent where they should be.

Instead of it being. "Family, School, then Friends" its "Friends, Family, School". I got it all mixed up. I'm more worried about making good memories, and not missing out on a beat of life than i am, Acing a test, or even getting stuff done ahead of time. The list of stuff I want to do in my life is a mile long. Yet in the past 3 years, I've done nothing to get there. Why is that?

A harsh reality check that was. I dont have mind of my own. The only thing I can remember doing for me is, making my friends happy. Making sure they always have a full glass, they don't have to pay for me, I can make a good joke to brighten their day, and even having opportunities where they wont be alone or have nothing to do.
In the midst of all of that, I find myself on E. for Empty, not for Emily. I've given everything, 110% of my energy into my friends. And I get mad at myself. Because in the end what have I gotten out of it? Great memories, AMAZING ones, chapters of knowledge stored away over useless stuff, a liqour cabinet that is always stocked, a door that is open for everyone, any time of day or night, and yet an empty spot right inside my chest. Thats my "me" time. Problem is, when I have it, I'm still empty.
Its like I'm going in circles. Never quite satisfied with my life. When one thing is good, something else is bad, and vice versa.

I have come to terms that I am a suffocating person. In the midst of me trying to make my friends' lives easier, I've been around too much. Not giving them their freedom. I dont know why.

Once again, I find myself in a mid-mid-life crisis. I just want to run away. and it all be fixed. but nope, thats not life now is it.

So I ask you all...
What does your life mean, where are you going, and who are you doing it for?

It's been a while

Hey there.

Wow, It's been a quite some time since I've past written. Things are well, I guess you could say going right now. I'm pretty much at the end of my rope. I need a vacation like no other. Actually I think I'm about to have a break down. Yup here it goes....
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I just want to run away from everything, all my problems. Not even school related, stupid me falling for my best friend.. Imagine that.

GOD help me

I need a drink

RUDE PEOPLE

Yup folks, you've heard it. I AM a working woman. Not much of a job considering I sit at a computer for 6 hours and stare at the screen. But I'm actually a order taker for pinnochios pizza.

So why you ask thatI write about rude people... Well as you well know, sometimes when you order pizza, it takes a while. sometimes the order is wrong, or even cold. So who do the customers yell at?! Us. the people who plug in numbers and always sound happy. Its quite the game, and humorous to listen to some of them rant and rave but yet i find myself really struggling to sympathize with any of them. I love the nice people. They're so much fun. Make this job entertaining. There is this one couple that calls in every few days and it just puts a smile on my face. Billybob. haha yes thats right billybob. they're fun and polite. very patient and super sweet. they make my job enjoyable. that and the phone center staff is pretty cool too.

well im off to do more homework. later

the truth

I'm not a strong person. I cry a lot over stupid stuff I can't control. I'm scared of being alone yet, no matter what happens, im always by myself. Running around. My family is back home Mom and Dad Shelley and Steve. i'm here, making all of them mad at me for slacking off. I just want to be able to live a life happy, by myself. Not wanting someone in particular or not by my side. I want to be a strong independent person. Who gets her shit done, but i hate being alone. I wish i didnt depend on other people for my happiness. Because thats the truth. I do. I'm only happy when I'm doing stuff to make my friends happy. If I'm doing something for me, i get nothing out of it. I know that doesnt sound possible, but I'm the kind of person to sit here at my computer... Running all these ideas through my head, and nothing will come of them. I have so much I want to do with my life as of rigt now, and yet... no will power to do it? I dont get it. I'm just not happy with where I am in my life right now. Its nothing my friends or family have done, they've been great, buts its me....

Everythign I want to do with my life right now is so overwhelming, becuase I'm to that breaking point, where stuff is starting to fall into place. yet ive been pushing my parents away, for what? No reason once so ever.... I've been trapped into this mindset, that my happiness depended on my best friend\crush. If he was happy I was happy, if he was sad i was sad. Turns out, I was the sad one most of the time... hiding behind a fake smile. And no matter how hard I tried to hide my feelings for him, I ended up yet again left empty. I gave so much to him, emotionally, whether he saw it or not... Now I'm to the point where I have nothing else to give. He prolly still doesnt know. I'm left with nothing now... I have no desire to move on, or to stick with it..I just wanna hide.. embarassed by myself. I dont know how I could have wanted something so bad, to where I was blind to see it could never be mine.

I hate people who try so hard that you see it. Why cant they try hard w\ out showing it. Like i did.... it pisses me off, because it works....
except when I do it

imagine this

Kind of ironic eh?

You Are a Light Pink Rose

You represent sweetness and grace. Your vibe: Kind and gentle Falling in love with you: is like falling in love with a best friend

What Color Rose Are You?

Thank you God

I asked for strength, I'm getting it. God has a sense of humor, just when you think you're at the end of your rope, you either find the other 30 ft u were missing, or you see that you can just hop to the top of another one. Silly Goose.

Life is good

Closer than ever

Where do I begin....

In the stresses of starting school, I have been in the middle of quite a trying time in my life. The first major disagreement with mom and dad. (in my eyes it is). I think I've lucked out, and waited until I was 20 to get one, but even then. Nothing prepares you for this. This not being the arguement, but this being closer than you've ever felt to your parents. The gloves came off, I found their true thoughts about me. And i took a step back to realize, what am I really doing? where is my life going? Although everything I do have figured out seems foggy, it is still settleing down. So what are the answers to what am I really doing, and where am I going? (even if they're foggy). I still think its too soon to tell, but every day I get closer and closer to it. I'm going uphill, for those of you that know me. my life (this summer) has been quite the experience, of being a freakin' baby\chicken. And where has that gotten me? Abso-freakin-lutly nowhere. I'm not going to call it wasted time, because I've learned a lot from it. But time that could have been saved had I gotten over my fears. I did however, use up good praying time on the wrong thing. Kind of like I forgot the actual purpose of prayers... I was reading my bible last night (yeah, thats a whole nother story), and I found myself going back to my notes of how to pray. maybe not how, but what to pray for. What makes praying worthwhile. Its not I hope he sees me standing here with my heart just waiting for him. Its, pray for my Savior, pray for my family, this list gets long, but it goes on for miles.... lets just say, it starts with mom and dad, and goes all the way down to, well pretty much, my 4th cousins. Pray for life, pray as a thank you card to God. Thats just family im praying for. Then i pray for friends. I thank God for them, and for their happiness where-ever they find it. Thats when I get that homey feeling, that God is there. And to conclude my prayers, I pray for my angels, Papa Dennis, Donna, and (this sounds silly) hansel. I thank God, for picking them to come up to his side and watch over us. Then I sing (even if its horrible) this church song called "sanctuary"- its beautiful.

I've never shared my prayer with anyone, and now here I am typing it in my blog. I've become stronger in my faith these past few weeks. Heck, I've been going to church. I'm going tomorrow, by myself. I'm going because I want to. There is so much I don't know. and want to know.

So I end with this.
I know I have a lot of stuff to prove. I'm not doing it for ya'll now. I'm doing it for me. I'm tired of being chicken. I'm ready to be responsible. It might take some time, but like Shelley said. I'm at a turning point, and its up to me to pick which way I'm going.
I'm on the right path. I just need a little bit more time, 20 years is a lot, but some of us need a boost like this to push us over. Its better late than never.

Here is to the path we are all on, Here is to the old paths we've been on. May our mistakes be the lamps that shine on the path ahead, leading us towards our goals. And may our dreams be waiting for us once we're there. - ME

I love you Mom and Shelley- Dad too if he reads this

Hi Denise- I've been thinking about you! :) Love you bunches

praying for the best

So much has been going on.

My family and I still seem on rocky terms, I'm auditioning on Thursday and Friday. School starts monday, and i'm trying my hardest to hold tears back every day.

I need some outside input.
Say you like someone. A WHOLE WHOLE Bunch. Of course, you're too chicken to tell them, but still complain about it. (thats not the point) but the person you like is someone else, and in your eyes, that other person (the liked one) doesn't deserve the attention of the like-ee. make sense? I dont want to be the one to tell him that she's not good enough for him. not to get him with me or anything, but more like anyone but her. its not my place to say who he likes and what not. so this is what im praying for. he finds that out on his own. without getting hurt too badly. i dont like this feeling at all. like i just want to scream it in his face, why shes not good enough. but no. keep my mouth shut, like always. the F*in story of my life.

anyways, any input on this would be great

PS. mom, i know ure tired of hearing this. but damn i cant help it. im trying really hard to get over it, but i cant....

Baby Steps

Well, lets just say the past 2 days have been rough. Last minute change to not do Goin' band this year. just out of miscommunication. My family and I are really working around this. Me making a decision like that without consulting them, them getting furious at me for that, then me getting upset with their idea of fixing it. All in all to say " i love you" at the end of the day. I love my parents for caring so much. But I do feel that I'm too dependent on them. Moreso than Shelley ever was.

Baby steps. guess what, I'm running now. well kinda a mix between a slow jog and trot kinda thing. I go about 2 miles not sure on how long it takes. but I can do it. I like it because I've gotten better every time...plus i have some good friends there helping me along.

School starts up on the 28th. I'm excited\ nervous. been going through a lot of stuff w\ mom about me getting tested for ADD. Scary..yes. I'm gonna try and get that done here soon. I fear that its going to be bad.

I need to say something. Just get it off my chest. Mostly to my family....
Mom, Dad, and Shelley.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the past few months I haven't been devoting enough time to ya'll. I'm sorry if ya'll feel I'm putting friends over ya'll. I'm sorry for making you mad, stressed, and sad. My priorities have been skewed and it took a stern conversation with mom for me to realize that I am struggling to find my way. I want to make ya'll proud, I want to make you happy. But sometimes I feel what makes you happy isn't what makes me happy. I love the praise I get for being a talented musician. But thats it. My grades don't deserve praise, I don't keep my house as clean as shelley did, I just sit here and take ya'lls money and get spoiled. I'm sorry. I'm taking charge now. The three of ya'll have done too much for me. And I don't deserve it. Here is to this semester, may I make ya'll proud, laugh, smile, and cry (in good ways). I love you (steve too).
Em

*** I'm doing this for me, to prove that I am worthy****

2 weeks of fun

Reality checks have never gone this well.

I'm really excited about this year. No holding back. Live life to the fullest, and hope that everyone can keep up.

here is a toast that got made up these past few weeks, while having the times of my life.

Here's to you here's to me
here's to friends and family
we talk a lot and listen well
f#%* you guys and go to hell

HEHE i think its cute.

AHHH i just wanna scream sometimes- with angst

a much needed update

Hello there blog, yes. It has been a while.
I heard from a little bird that people read this and want to know whats going on in my life. So here it goes.

Chris and Dave. Put us together, we're the 3 stooges. My best friends. Words can't describe how much I love spending time with them. They're my family away from home. Rubi too. The four of us means we're getting massages. :-) We have spent a lot of time together this summer and my have we grown close. I will be meeting up with them in Midland this next weekend to work Midland Lee's Summer band camp for a week, then we're hitting the happy trail to Marble Falls for Lake Fest 2006. I'm glad some friends will get to come see it with me. Its so much fun!

Texas Tech School of Music (or College of Visual and Performing Arts) presents: The American Cancer Society Fundraising Concert is in motion. I have a huge proposal I'm working on getting approved by the Cancer Society then an actual meeting with Mr. Ballenger of the TTU school of music, and possilby the dean to the college for VPA. This is taking a huge chunk of my time. This is an idea I've had since my second cousin Donna passed away last September. So its finally getting put into motion.

I've just gotten back from an amazing family weekend in Galveston\Pearland for my cousin Angela's wedding. I had a blast. WOW. I love my family. Granted we're all dorky and quirky in our own ways, but thats what I love about them. I really realized how German\Czech our family really is this weekend. Its hilarious. We drink a lot.

Summer school is finally winding down and I can't be more thanful for that. I have a major presentation tomorrow (speech) a paper and my final on friday. So my work is cut out for me this week.

My new room-mate moves in Aug 19th. I'm really excited about that. Her name is Chrissie she marched tuba this past year, and she and i get along great. She's from austin (area) and has a double major in Hard. (AKA im not sure) LOL

Anyways, there is an update for now. I'll go more elaborate after i get my speech finished!

love
Em

I have some time

Words can not describe what sitting in a room 6 hrs a day (so far) can do to a girls mind.

I've never had this much time to think in my life. And not feel like I'm not doing anything, because I am.

So what is it you ask that I have figured out...
Well, i wouldnt say i have it figured out for sure, but lets just say that I have yet tackled another trial and tribulation (as mcginty would say) in my life. I have become very dependent lately on where I find my happiness. When in fact I should have it with me before I can find it. I guess getting caught up in good times made me feel that i could only have fun during them. So heres to fun times here. With me, regardless of what the situation is!

:-D